Category: Parenting

  • Short Story Review: “Consolation” by Andre Alexis

    (The short story “Consolation” by Andre Alexis appeared in the May 20th, 2024 issue of The New Yorker.)

    Illustration by André Derainne

    If you have read any of my reviews, then you know that I am a sucker for a story about death, especially if it’s a story dealing with the death of a parent. “Consolation” by Andre Alexis is such a story, as it deals with the death of both the narrator’s parents, but it is also about how parents’ shame can affect their children, can affect a marriage, and can affect the community they live in.

    The piece begins with the narrator telling how he got in an argument with his elderly mother over driving directions, and the narrator was so hurt but his mother’s anger, that he didn’t speak to her for two years. Only when they reconciled, did the narrator learn that his mother had dementia, and most likely the fight was a precursor of her disease. This leads the narrator to recount the death of his father, which happened a decade earlier, and though we feel that the son loves his father, we also learn that the father was a serial philanderer, thrice divorced, and despised by the narrator’s mother for the infidelity. Then the narrator tells us the story of his father, who was born in poverty in Trinidad, worked his way up and out by becoming a doctor, and then married the woman who would become the narrator’s mother. Together, they started a family, and moved to Canada, to a small all white town, where the father dealt with the indignity of the town’s prejudice, to become a respected member of the community. It is also the place where the father’s infidelities began to be noticed, and affect the family.

    This is a well thought out, and written, short story. The characters are compelling. The family dynamic is honest, complicated, and uncomfortable. It’s paced well, has a very unique climax, and I just didn’t like this story when everything is telling me that I should. I have been thinking about, and thinking about it, and I should like this, but something just feels off to me. And today, it came to me; it’s passion. Which is even more striking as there is a paragraph in this story that is about passion – between the father and another woman, and the son realizing that this moment of discovering this passion lead him to his career as a lawyer. That this is a story about passions, between lovers, between family members, how they can spark trust and betrayals. Yet, I found the narration less than passionate, which I can only say was done on purpose. This passionless narration juxtaposed with these lives driven by different forms of passion which elicit reactions of shame, desire, and anger. I go back to the start of the story and the narrator describing the argument he had with his mother. The way it is described is almost clinical, factual, without any hint of what the narrator was feeling. It is an event that is only described and not felt. I get the decision to write this story in this way, to make the point that is needed for it to have its conclusion. This artistic choice left me feeling divorced from the emotions of these characters, which explains why I couldn’t connect with the story.

    I will fully admit that I am the odd man out here. I can totally understand why people will love this story, and be dumbfounded by my inability to relate to this piece. Yes, it’s me, and it is not Andre Alexis. You should read this story, enjoy it greatly, and then shake your head at me for not getting this story.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Tottenham Woes, Submitting, and Ice Cream

    (The past wasn’t that good, and the future isn’t that bad…)

    Though I hate to admit this, I think it is time to say out loud that Tottenham will not make it to the Champions League next season. Ange Postecoglou has done a very good job with turning the team around and stopping the slide to a middle of the table team. And this was going to be a hard season, as it was the first without Harry Kane. But with 7 points behind Aston Villa, and matches against Liverpool and Man City yet to come, the odds are severely stacked against the team. No Champions League for next season, but there will be a birth in the Europa League. But hey, this was a better year, and next year will have extra competition, and more chances for trophies.

    Not on purpose, but I roundabout took the month of April off when it came to submitting stories. But I am coming back for the month of May. I’ve sent out four submissions thus far, and in the back of my head, I have a good feeling that I accidently messed up on somebody’s submission guidelines. Like, I didn’t put the page number in the correct corner. One time, I sent out a story and misspelled the editor’s name in the cover letter. Yeah, there’s no coming back from that.

    And it is true, ice cream does make everything better. Are you having an awful day? Have some ice cream. It won’t solve any problems, but it does make you feel better. And out of all the wonderful joys and experiences I have had with becoming a father, getting ice cream with my daughter is damn near one of the best.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Dentist, I Want My A/C, and Ice Cream Treat

    (It’s miles away…)

    The kid went to the dentist yesterday. Luckily, she enjoys going, so we never had to deal with any anxiety with people poking her teeth. And we’ve been seeing this dentist for three years now, so we know each other and they have a solid file on the kid. In fact, at some point, the kid told them that she wanted to be a dentist, which they added to her file, and was brought up immediately as soon as she sat in the chair. I’m not sure if that is still a goal of hers, but everyone there thought it was awesome that there was a kid that wanted to be one of them. Or maybe they’re all really nice to all the kids…

    I bought an air conditioner from a big box retailer who I’m not naming as of yet. It is a super nice and fancy window unit that we had to budget for, but we were due for an upgrade. Anyway, it was promised to be delivered today, but when I check their website, my delivery status has not advanced beyond “order received.” It is a bit troubling as we still have to get through the “shipped” and “out for delivery” stage with only 11 1/2 hours until estimated received time expires. This is going to be in the back of my mind all day today… (UPDATE: I received an email and a text message from the retailer saying that the delivery date has changed. The text said the a/c is coming on Monday, while the email says today…)

    Serving Suggestion: Vanilla ice cream in a bowl, topped with Reese’s Magic Shell, then topped on that with crushed up Reese’s Cereal. Enjoy!

  • I’m a Soccer Dad, Now

    This past weekend, the wife and I reached a huge milestone in our parenting adventure; we attended our daughter’s first soccer match. Actually, it was a mini soccer tournament between different elementary schools, which meant that we sat through seven, ten-minute matches. (It was co-ed teams that played five on five.) Though the day was colder than we expected, we had a good time watching, and the kid’s team came in second place.

    But getting back to the point – the kid is now at the age where she is playing sports that have games. This isn’t like the sports classes we put her in when she was little, where the kids learn how to dribble a basketball, or pass a soccer ball. Nope, she’s on a team that plays games, therefore these kids will experience winning and losing, and all the emotions that come with that. It is a bit of a rite of passage.

    And that passage has begun for some of the families there. When the tournament started, and teams began to be eliminated, kids started crying. By my observation; all the crying was coming from the boys. Even on my daughter’s team, when they lost the final by one goal, everyone was disappointed, but only the boys sat down and cried.

    My kid, and she is very competitive, wasn’t happy at first, but once the sting of losing wore off, she started getting more philosophical about the whole thing. She told us that second place was better than how the four other teams did, and getting to the final is pretty impressive. It also helped that she went home with a medal, which was her first, and is hanging up on her wall.

  • And I Had Been Doing A Good Job (Unedited)

    This week, I had a plan. I put it together last week, as I was tired of my day slipping away from me, and not getting the things done that I really had my mind set in accomplishing. Knowing that this issue was caused by me (and if you have read this blog long enough, I often complain about my lack of focus and discipline) I sat down and scheduled when I would journal, when I would blog, when I would work on fiction, when I would read, do errands, shower, walk the dog, eat lunch… yes, I admit I went a little over board, but trusting myself had failed miserably.

    The times in my life when I was the most focused and disciplined was when I was working, and especially when I was in management roles. During those periods, I did have to schedule out my whole day, just to make sure that I got everything taken care of. And on the whole, it worked rather well.

    This week did start of very well. Monday and Tuesday went completely according to plan. AND I got to bed on time. Then Wednesday was rocky only because there was an unexpected illness in the home, and I do have responsibility to take care of my family. In the end, on Wednesday, I only missed going to the gym, but I accomplished everything else.

    And then today, I fell off the wagon.

    The day started great, and I was running ahead of schedule. I ordered the flower girl dress that my daughter needs for the wedding she is taking part in this Summer. I called the pediatrician’s office, and made an appointment for the kid, while simultaneously balancing the checkbook. I was on fire, which is why I decided to update and back up my iPhone on my Mac, which also meant updating the iCloud account, and…

    Goodbye Morning!

    Because once I downloaded the pics off my phone, I had to go through and delete the pictures I didn’t want anymore, which meant going through 5,000+ picture. See, I hadn’t backed up my phone in four years, and I don’t know why I thought this would be a fast process.

    (My wife had purple hair in the Pandemic, and she looked very good with it. I found the pictures which remined me of that.)

    And then, because I have no self-control, I thought that I would dig out our old Mac Mini and set that up as a hub for the family. About thirty minutes into that project, it finally dawned on me that I had pretty much shot my morning to shit, and if I didn’t stop I would lose the whole day.

    So, I am sharing this with you, let’s call it a cautionary tale, as I still want to get something done.

    Blog is done.

    I still need to journal, work on a story that is killing me to finish, get some reading in, and a sketch. I only have three hours until the kid is out of school.

    Wish me luck.