Category: News

  • My Rejected “Mentions” Submission

    On August 31st, I had a flash of inspiration, and quickly jotted out the following four sentences:

    “As Donald Trump’s surrender in Georgia grew closer, many on social media started to joke that the former President might need to hire a bail bondsman.

    On the day of the arrest at the Fulton County Sheriff’s Office, to many people’s surprise, the former President had, in fact, secured Foster Bail Bonds, LLC of Lawrenceville, GA to execute the bond.

    This made CEO Charles Shaw the first person in American history to bail out a former President.

    Mr. Shaw, it is easy to say, might be the most famous bail bondsman in America right now, if you excuse Chico’s Bail Bonds support of the Bad News Bears.”

    I thought it was funny.

    But I wasn’t sure what to do with it. The first thought I had was to put it up on my blog, or maybe Twitter/X. Then I remembered that The Drift has a “Mentions” section, which consists of short humorous pieces, four sentences long. I quickly looked up the email address for submissions, and sent it off. Let me throw my luck into the wind and see what will happen! Odds are they would say no, but maybe today would be different.

    And then I reread the “Mentions” section, and it dawned on me that they are looking more for cultural observations, and not so much current events. Yeah… felt like I popped the bed on this one. I even posted a Tweet about it.

    This morning a received a response to my submission, and they did say no. I don’t disagree with that decision, and their form letter to me was rather pleasant for a rejection.

    As such, I now share this “mention” on my blog. If there is anyone out there who would like my four sentence humorous critiques about whatever pops into my head, my going rate is $25 per post, or best offer.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Harry Kane, Goodbye Japan and England, and Bookstores

    (Witty Quip!)

    After three years, and I believe it has been three years, of me saying that Harry Kane will leave Tottenham for another team; it has come to pass. The Athletic is reporting that Kane is going to Bayern Munich. I wish it weren’t true, but it is. And though I would have liked to have seen Tottenham win, I don’t know, several trophies – the odds of that happening in the near future are slim. If Kane wants to be considered in the top tier of international footballers, then he needs to win some hardware, and Bayern makes sense for that reason. In one year, he could win the Bundesliga championship, and the Champions League. Sadly, Tottenham management, looking at you Levy, couldn’t get their act in gear and deliver a manager and additional players to move Spurs into that level, and hence, why Kane left. I don’t blame him. You compete in professional sports to win, and you have to go where your odds are best for that outcome. I guess I will need to start watching Bundesliga now.

    And Japan lost to Sweden! I didn’t see that coming. I started to think that this was Japan’s Cup, and that there wasn’t another team out there that could keep up with them. But the Swedish women aren’t messing around, and I think they might take the whole thing. As for England – they’re done. The two-game suspension on Lauren James’ Red Card against Nigeria is a team killer. She and that team lost their composure, and that is a fall that is hard to recover from. I see Columbia taking full advantage of this situation, seeing how far they can push England. That having been said, since I am always wrong with soccer predictions, I am now calling a Sweden v Australia Final. 100% Guaranteed. Take it to the bank!

    And in the end; I about to head to the local bookstore with the kid. I’m going to get her a book or two. Maybe one for myself as well. It’s late Summer and the clock is ticking until she’s back in school, and then we start the marathon to the end of the year. So, with that in mind, I want to go to a bookstore. And wander the shelves, and let my kid go forth and discover things that she might want to read. My dad used to do this with me when I was her age, and being lost in a bookstore does somehow slow down time. Nothing happens quickly there, as discovery arrives on its own schedule.

  • ODDS and ENDS: The New Summer, NYC Summer Smell, and Hungry All the Time

    (Clever One-Liner!)

    It’s hot. And not only that, its steamy, too. Not the good, Faulkner Southern Gothic steamy, but the awful humidity life sucks steamy. I’m not a big fan of Summer, and I am even a smaller fan of heat, but when it comes to Summer heat – I hate it. I grew up in Texas, and about my junior year in high school, I had enough. I was going to live up north. I’d rather freeze in Winter than melt in Summer. I had no idea how hot and steamy NYC gets in Summer. Honestly, someone should be out there telling tourists and perspective residents how bad July and August can be in The City. Sure, if you have a half a brain, you’d notice that NYC sits on a bay and well… you know… humidity follows. The thing is that now, just about the whole country, if not the world, lives in this awful extreme heat and humidity now. And it’s not going away, or getting fixed for a very, very long time. Its rather depressing that this is the world that my kid, and yours, is about to inherit – weather that is unbearable to live in. I still hold out hope that we can fix this, but if we can’t… People are going to start moving north and Canada could start having immigration issues from all of these illegal Americans.

    Say, did you know that New York City’s Official Summer Smell used to be wet garbage on a sidewalk. Well, not anymore! NYC’s new Official Summer Smell is Pot Smoke! You can’t go ten feet in this town without being hit by the smell of weed this Summer. Hey, I’m for legalization, but holy crap! It’s like the entire City is getting high. Right Now!

    I don’t know what’s going on with me, but for the past three days, I have been hungry all the time. When I say that, I don’t mean that I feel the urge to have a snack. I mean that I feel like I have been working all day and that I am starving for lunch or dinner. And no matter how much I eat; I never feel satisfied. Back in college, me and my roommate used to call this phenomena “Ravenous Days.” I don’t know what causes it, and eating doesn’t seem to solve it.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Masking Up Again, Tom Tom Club, The Simpsons Renaissance, and Summer

    (Raise expectations to a new intention)

    Honestly; I’m pretty glad that we didn’t throw away all of our Covid masks. The smoke in New York on Wednesday was insane. Everything was shrouded in an orange haze, blocking out the sun. It was like sitting in front of a camp fire with the smoke blowing in your face. It didn’t feel good, and hurt my eyes and the back of my throat. I am glad that we pulled the A/C’s from storage last month, as that made the apartment livable with the windows closed. Walking the dog wasn’t fun, as I was back to having a mask on, stumbling around the neighborhood. It makes me think the end of the world won’t be sudden, but more like a slow car pile-up of minor inconveniences.

    I swear, I am so late to the party on everything. I just discovered the Tom Tom Club the other day.

    And The Simpsons have started getting better. A good friend sent me an article in Vulture about just that. After reading it, I started re-watching the last two seasons, and I have to agree.

    The kid only has eleven school days left before Summer vacation officially starts. But, we’re on Summer vacation. The kid has checked out; I’ve checked out; the wife wants to check out; the dog wants to get a puppy short cut so she can check out, too. Funny, but for the last two years, I have started to look forward to the coming of Summer. Before, growing up in Texas, Summer was a never ending season of just feeling uncomfortable. Mind you, Summer’s in New York can be very humid, sticky and awful, but it’s done after three months. (In Texas, it can go on for six months!) And I am sure it has everything to do with the kid, but Summer now means road trips, and hikes, and water parks, and experiences. I’m ready for it.

  • There’s No Money in the Media

    VICE filed for bankruptcy. I’m not surprised. VICE was the only media company I knew that no one read or watched. Hold on, except for Desus and Mero. But outside of that, I never met another person who was like, “I just read this piece on VICE,” or “Did you see that story on VICE news?”

    Nope.

    Not a once.

    Oh, I did see Shane Smith everywhere, talking about how great and important VICE was. As far as I can tell, Shane made Williamsburg worse, by putting VICE’s headquarters there, and Shane also paid himself a huge, unreasonable salary while paying his writers barely above nothing with a side of free exposure.

    And don’t forget that one of the co-founders of VICE went on to found the Proud Boys. So… that says something…

    Yet, when I read that they never turned a profit, and were forced to file for bankruptcy, thus the sense was made; It was all hype, with no substance.

    I don’t mean to dance on VICE’s grave, and I do feel bad for the writer who will get laid off, but Shane Smith drove that ship onto the ground, and he’s still going to walk off a millionaire. And I though Canadians were all nice and shit.

    But the truth of this situation, which is the same truth that has been around forever, is that there is no money to be made in media, unless you own a lot of media. My first day as a journalism major, the professor told us there is no money to be made being a journalist. (Incidentally, on the first day of film and theatre school, those respective professors said the exact same thing.) I find it very strange that there is no way to make a living wage in media, but somehow the richest people in the world are in media.

    Has no one else noticed this?

    Well, outside of people in the WGA, that is…