Category: Life

  • Not the Dream I Wanted

    I don’t remember my dreams. Or, it’s very rare that I remember a dream. When I do remember one, what sticks with me is an image, or a feeling. People and places will be there, but it’s like everything is frozen in a moment that I am very much aware has events that happened before this frozen moment, and sometimes, I even know what will happen after. It’s all very strange.

    The rarest dream that I have is the full-blown narrative, and interaction with people. That’s what happened to me last night. And it was awful.

    I dreamed about people I used to work with, and not the friendly and good people who became my friends. No, I dreamt about all the awful people that I didn’t get along with, or who went out of their way to make my employment as unenjoyable as possible. In this dream, I was holding open a door to a church so people could enter. And then all of my former co-workers showed up, and refused to go through the door I was holding open. They didn’t say anything to me, just made eye contact, and then went to a different door. The overwhelming feeling I was getting was that when I went to work on Monday, I was going to get fired.

    Yeah, it was a terrible dream, and what made the dream worse was when I woke up, I thought the dream was real, and I had to get up and go to that job. It took a second for me to come out of it, knowing that I didn’t have an office to report to, but that feeling of dread and anxiety has been hung all over me this morning.

    Dread and anxiety is what I felt when I went into the office most days. Some of it was caused by the people I worked with, who starred in my dream. But, most of it was caused by me. Most days, as I packed myself on a subway car, listening to music and reading The Times or New Yorker on my phone – doing my best to shut out the world on my commute – I would wonder if this would be another day wasted? That if this was a job that was slowly killing me; sucking out my ambition and drive and all the reasons why I wanted to move away from home and try something different. As I get more space and time to reflect on my office days, I can see that some of the issues I had were me not being happy with the situation I placed myself in. Don’t get me wrong – the shitty people were still shitty people, but I allowed them to get to me for far too long.

    But that’s the point of reflection, right? To learn lessons from your own life and actions. What I now know is that when I sense those feelings of dread and anxiety, I need to get the hell out of that situation. Odds are that I will return to an office one day, and if I do, I know the warning signs to watch out for.

    That’s progress.

    But I can’t figure out why I was at a church in the dream…

  • Illness Strikes Again!

    The wife is sick. She came down with something over the weekend, which is pretty close to the worst time to get sick. Just when she thought she was about to get two days to relax, her body decided that it needed a fever and body aches. Poor girl.

    Me and the kid are now in nurse mode. Checking on mom, making sure she is comfortable, get her medication and lots of fluids. We even ordered ramen for her, which really wasn’t a sacrifice, as it sure did make everyone in the apartment happy!

    As I sit on the couch writing, she’s in the bed sleeping, with an occasional cough coming from under the covers. The dog is up with her, curled at the foot of the bed. I am sure the dog thinks that this has been a wonderful couple of days; napping all the time!

    I don’t think I’ll be getting much done this week, and that is fine. I like taking care of her. I like making my wife feel better. Giving comfort and making her laugh.

    And I have a really good chicken noodle soup recipe that I can make as well.

  • The Dentist

    I understand that going to the dentist is important, but I don’t spend much time thinking about the dentist. I actually spend more time thinking about the kid seeing the dentist. She’s at the tail end of losing all her baby teeth, and getting all her grown up ones. It means that braces aren’t too far away. I do spend time thinking about that.

    The kid loves going to the dentist. In fact, when I took her the other day, she told me that she didn’t want me to go back into the exam room. I guess that was something that most kids don’t request, because the kid’s technician asked her twice if that’s what she really wanted. Clearly, most kids are very nervous to see the dentist. But it’s what she wanted. She wants to do things on her own.

    The funny thing is, when I started going to the dentist, which I believe was kindergarten or first grade, I went back by myself. I don’t think there was an option for parents to join you. In fact, if your parent had to go back, it meant something went wrong. My mother stayed in the waiting room, and I was on my own. I wasn’t nervous to do this because my mom was a nurse, and I saw going to the dentist was just like seeing any other doctor. I grew up around hospitals, clinics, and medical offices. They all were there to make you feel better. Maybe I was outside the norm, but the medical profession never felt scary.

    Anyway, I was in the waiting room today, reading and passing time. In all my years of being taken to the dentist, I never once thought about my mom, and what she was doing while I was back getting my teeth picked at. Same thing with when I got braces. Getting those put on took some time, and did she sit out there, waiting? Did she take off and come back? I never asked. I just assumed that she was out there. Waiting for me.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Hair, Dogs, and My Website

    (My dog’s breath smells like shrimp…)

    I am a balding man. My brothers are balding men, and my father is a balding man as well. His father was bald, as was his father. As far as I can tell, men in my family have been bald. It’s just who we are, and I am fine with it. My uncle, who was my dad’s brother, told me to get a wife before I lose all my hair. I followed that advice, and my wife is good with a balding husband. And as my hair leaves the top of my head, I have started sprouting hair in my ears and nose. It is enough of an issue that I now have a trimmer specifically for those spots. Yet, I find myself wondering as I shave my ears and nose; why does my body grow new hair in my ears and nose? When I hit puberty, I started growing hair all over, EXCEPT for my ears and nose. So, what happened at 45 that caused my body to say, “Yeah, we need more hair at the nose and ears!” But what about keeping my brain warm? “I said EARS AND NOSE!”

    Is it odd that it costs more to board my dog for a week than it would for me to buy the dog her own airline ticket? I know that where we are going, there is no place for the dog to stay, but I feel like the dog boarding industry is pushing me to take the dog on the trip. Or they know that I’m in a situation and will pay whatever as long as my pet is taken care of.

    I’m thinking about updating my website. I am aware that this question might back fire on me, but anyone have any suggestion of how I should update/improve this site?

  • Hot in the City

    It was warm yesterday, but today it’s going to be hot in NYC. Like Summer hot. Early July hot. And we don’t have our A/C’s.

    Like reasonable people, who keep fooling themselves into thinking that the weather patterns of the past will continue into the future, we took all of our air conditioners out of our apartment at the end of September. You know, at the beginning of Fall, when everything starts to cool down. Normally, we don’t go and get the A/C’s out of storage until late May, and even sometimes into June. We should have just kept them in the widows, and suffered through our amazingly mild winter.

    Currently, we are in a three-day heatwave. Technically you can only call it a heat wave if the temp is above 90 degrees for three days in a row. But being that it was 85 yesterday, t will be 90 today, and then 88 on Friday, I think it is fair to say that it’s a heat wave. I mean, on Sunday the high was 55. I had a sweater on for god sakes. I was drinking coffee to stay warm at an Easter Egg Hunt with my kid.

    Now, I’m sitting by my window, in shorts and a shirt, praying that a breeze will come through, but it won’t because the new construction behind our building is killing the cross wind, and I think we are all going to die tonight.

    The only winner here is the kid because she’s going to get ice cream, pretty much all day, because nothing is better than ice cream on a hot day.