Category: Life

  • ODDS and ENDS: Nor’easter, and Submitting

    (You know the drill…)

    First of all, Nor’easter is just a fun word to say. Imagine my surprise that when I moved to NYC in 2006, that a Nor’easter was a real thing, and not some old timey word that people pull out when they would try to be funny by acting like an old man. Such as, “Der’s gold up in dem hill, der.” Or, “Da nor’easter of twenty aught four froze dem chickens right, they did.” Anyway, a Nor’easter is coming tonight/tomorrow, and I am as excited as a little boy for the snow. Any snow on the ground still makes me feel like I am receiving a wonder gift.

    I did it yesterday; I submitted a story to a magazine. And I can admit that I rushed it. Rushed in the sense that I have now become eager to get started. I need to do something, get action, and not sit around rereading, editing, researching magazine and lit journals. So I sent out a story yesterday evening, knowing full well that I will be rejected. I’m not being negative, only realistic. Every writer will tell you that you encounter “no” more often than “yes.” And, I didn’t read any back issues of the journal I sent to, which I know is a little bit of a sin. BUT, if I am going to receive 1,000 no’s before I receive one yes, then I need to start knocking some no’s out of the way. One down, 999 to go.

  • Feeling Off Today (Unedited)

    The day feels off. In fact, it felt a little off right before I went to bed.  Then in the middle of the night, the kid woke me up, which was right after midnight, so it was like the day did in fact start with an issue. I think the kid needed to blow her nose. That was the problem I was tasked with solving. Which I did, and then put her back to sleep.

    And since then, it’s really been off.

    I got back to sleep but never really fell into a deep sleep; I was always aware that I was just barely asleep.

    So, this morning has felt off. And I have felt frustrated.

    I rewrote my cover letter for submitting, but I haven’t been able to shake the nagging voice which keeps telling me that this is a big waste of time, and nothing will come of it.

    And as I was researching literary, again the thought of failure keep coming at me. That, again this is a futile exercise. That I don’t know enough. That I don’t belong. That That That…

    It’s exhausting constantly fighting with myself.

    I know being tired doesn’t help, but I think I need to admit that I am a little afraid too. I’m afraid to fail. I’m also afraid to be laughed at. I’m afraid too because I have nowhere to hide. In theatre, I had a character or a puppet to hide behind. With my stories, it’s all me, and that’s putting the fear in me. I feel exposed.

    But, I don’t like feeling worthless either. Not having a goal, something to work towards, is a pretty awful feeling as well.

    Gotta push through it.

  • You Had the Win

    This isn’t about sports, though it was a crazy sports weekend.

    I am currently doing my laundry, and as happens sometimes, a dryer ate someone’s quarters. The guy who lost his quarters, asked to get his money back, and an argument ensued between him and the people who run the laundromat. The details don’t matter other than, at the end of the argument, the guy got his quarters back.

    But…

    When the guy got his quarters back, he proceeded to scream and yell that the people who run the laundromat, calling them scammers, and that they can’t be trusted, and are garbage. Which caused the people who run the laundromat to accuse the man of the same thing, and they just kept yelling at each other.

    The thing that I can’t wrap my head around is that the guy who got his quarters back won. He didn’t need to say anything else, he got what he wanted. But he had to spike the ball. He had to push it. He had to make things worse.

    Sure, some people can’t help themselves, but man…

  • ODDS and ENDS: Tottenham and Peacock, Facial Hair, and Wordle

    (You know the drill…)

    On Wednesday, Tottenham had an amazing comeback win in stoppage time against Leicester City. The match was in the middle of the afternoon, and I wasn’t able to watch as I was hanging out with the kid in the park afterschool. Not to worry, I have a Peacock subscription, and I can catch the replay. I know this because yesterday on the app, it even said that I could watch the replay next day after 5pm. I mean, it’s a stupid rule, but whatever, other apps do the same thing. When I went to watch the replay last night, it was gone. There was nothing on the Peacock app showing the replay, or even highlights of the match. I’m confused NBC/Universal. I thought you shelled out a shit ton of money to the Premier League to have the rights to broadcast their matches in the US, with the intent to get guys like me, middle aged dudes with lots of time on their hands, to become dedicated Premier League football fans. So… why are you making it rather difficult for new fans, like me, to watch replays of matches? Tottenham is in the top five and Leicester City is a former league champion, so it’s not like these are two teams about to be relegated. What’s the deal knuckleheads? Make it easier to watch matches, or the League will never catch on in the US.

    My facial hair trimmer arrived yesterday. It’s time for the beard to go, but I think I’ll hang on to my moustache. In the old days of my early thirties, I used to grow a beard from Thanksgiving to New Years. On New Year’s Day, I would shave the bread leaving a moustache. That would be an enjoyable month, but the moustache’s end would come after the Super Bowl. Why the Super Bowl? No reason, it just seemed like a good idea. Point being, moustache will emerge today.

    Yes, I play WORDLE. No, I will not share my score. I am vain and bad at spelling. And sometimes, I have my wife help me, because I didn’t know you could use the same letter twice, like in “ROBOT.” That just feels like cheating. If anyone is looking for me, I will be at the NYTimes playing “Spelling Bee” very badly.

  • Nothing Particular

    The domesticity of my life has taken precedence today. Meaning that I had to make a meal plan for the family, and then go grocery shopping. The chores that need to be accomplished for the stay at home parent. I’m not complaining about these tasks, but I was bad at planning them this week. Normally I make the plan and shopping list the night before, so that I can go take care of it as soon as I get done dropping the kid off at school. Thus, freeing up the rest of the day for things I want to do.

    So, I got a late start today, and as such, I am writing later than I was planning. Some days are like that. Some days are just go go go, and I don’t get what I want. It has to be delayed, because I’m a grown up, and that’s what life is sometimes like for a grown up.

    And as I ran my errands, walking through the Upper West Side to get to the Trader Joe’s, the pang of missing my mother hit me. Not crushing, but just that a pang because out of nowhere, I thought about her stuffed peppers that she used to make, and home the smell of those peppers cooking would permeate the entire house, and how I hated that smell as it informed me of a meal that I wouldn’t enjoy, but there was no sense in complaining. The rest of the family loved it, and I was the odd man out that would have to put up with it. And even if my mother magically came back and made stuffed peppers for me, I still would not eat it. That meal sucked.