Category: Life

  • I’m a Beta Tester

    I mentioned a while ago about the Biden/Harris Student Loan Forgiveness stuff, and how I feel about it. If you didn’t read that post, (don’t blame you – it wasn’t my best) I am for the program, while also admitting fully that this Forgiveness doesn’t address any of the underlining issues of the unaffordability of college. For me, I view this as a first step to correcting those issues, and I know full well that there are people who will not agree with me on this. Some disagree so much that they are trying to sue the Biden/Harris Administration over this program

    This Saturday, I received an email from StudentAid.gov informing me that I had been selected to be a Beta Tester for the application process. I wouldn’t say that I felt honored to receive this email, because something in my gut told me that everyone got this email. Or, just about everyone got this email. Either way, I filled out the form on Sunday morning, submitted and received a confirmation email in less than two minutes.

    Now I wait and see.

    Yet, I’ll believe it when it happens. As mentioned above, I know that several states are suing this program, and from what I read, most likely will fail in stopping the forgiveness, but will delay the roll out. (For the party that is overwhelmingly Pro-Christian values, I find it odd that they always go out of their way to stop any form of forgiveness – debt, wrongful imprisonment, drug convictions) I know, also, that StudentAid.gov has lead me to believe that I qualify for the program. I even checked Nelnet again, and they told me that my loan starts with the correct letter code, so that my loan qualifies.

    But I still don’t believe it.

    I know it has to do with feeling like I was taken advantage of when I went to college. I had a strange and winding path to university education. When I graduated high school, I went to college right away, but after two years I dropped out. My parents told me that if I stay in school, they would pay for it, but if I left and wanted to go back, I was on my own. And they held to that. I was out of school for four years, and then I decided that I wanted to go back, which meant that the financial burden was on my shoulders. AND, I was going back to school to be a theatre major, so I really knew what I was getting myself into. So, I never felt like the loan took advantage of me; that was my responsibility.

    It was the cost of tuition.

    My father went to a state public university in 1964, and he paid $20 a quarter for a full load of classes. In 2001, I was paying $2,000 a semester for a full load of classes at my state public university. (And I remember thinking that two grand was an affordable amount to pay.) If you adjust for inflation, then the $20 my Dad payed in 1964, would have cost $141 in 2001. (Today, it’s $191.) And that has always been my question; How did the cost of a college education go from $20 to $2,000, when it should have cost me a little over $141?

    I have never received or read a straight, logical answer of why. Some claim that inflation, some say it’s the government cutting support, some say it’s competition between schools, other say that colleges have become more like resorts that schools, others say that colleges are overloaded with administrators and executives.

    I had a sociologist professor tell us that the reason school became so expensive is because capitalist doctrine invade universities. She said that in the old days, universities put education, and student quality first, and as long as the institution broke even, no one cared. Then, she said, after the late 60’s when students protested on campuses, universities started bringing in private sector CEO to run their schools, with the idea that these CEO’s would bring order, and efficiency. What we got was college education turned into another American capitalist industry. The new generation of university leaders wanted to make money, so they raised tuitions, and accepted just about everybody who wanted to go to college. These leaders couldn’t get bonuses and stocks, but they could get huge salaries, as long as that endowment kept growing.

    Is that the truth? I don’t know because I have never seen anything verify that theory. But, I never seen or heard anything yet explain how we go to this complete unaffordability of a college education. I’m open to suggestions.

    For now, I will gladly accept my loan being forgiven, but like I said earlier, I’ll believe it when I see it.

    (I see you over there. Don’t be ashamed of your curiosity – embrace it! The easiest way to do that would be giving a like, a share, or a comment to this blog. Even following it will release a great amount of exuberance in you. Trust me!)

  • ODDS and ENDS: Not a Tottenham Blog, Sweaters, and Call Your Mother

    (Don’t Believe the Hype)

    I lied. I will talk about Tottenham, because they beat Frankfurt in their Champions League Group match. It didn’t start off well, with Dier giving up a stupid pass in their own box which allowed Frankfurt to score a pretty easy and embarrassing goal. But, Spurs rallied and didn’t go down the rabbit hole of self-destruction. Finally, the Kane/Son Rainbow connection of goal scoring showed up, and Son looked back to true form with a goal in the 19’ and 35’ minute. Harry Kane scored on a penalty shot, but uncharacteristically missed a second penalty kick by sailing the ball over the goal. On the Conte front, I appreciated the amount of substituting he did, getting Gil and Lucas on the pitch. (I do have a soft spot for these two players and hope to see more of them, as they are aggressive and tenacious players that I think Conte would want out there more.) Now, Spurs did give up a late goal in the 86’ minute which did put the fear of God in me, as I started having flashbacks to their Sporting CP match earlier in the group stage, when they blew that game in the last few minutes. This time around, they held it together to get the three points. Tottenham is currently sitting on top of the stage with 7 points, but Sporting CP and Marseille are right behind them with 6 points apiece. I didn’t think this would be an easy group, and with two matches to go, any of these teams could still take this.

    As for Spurs in the Premier League this weekend, Everton comes to play at Tottenham Stadium. Being that Everton is middle of the table, and Spurs are playing good football, I expect Tottenham to win. AND, NBC is showing the match on NBC, so I might actually be able to watch this one live.

    *

    The majority of the sweaters I own are pilly. You know, the sweater material in certain spots has bunched up forming little spots, or balls. This is caused by too much wear or cheap fabrics, and when I looked it up on the internet, the word “unsightly” was used often. Funny, but in my dynamic vision, I see a pilly sweater as one that is well worn and loved. Not a thing of unsightliness, but a badge of many a survived Fall and Winters. Instead of calling these sweaters unsightly, I think they should be referred to as “active vintage.”

    *

    Don’t forget to call your mom. She’d love to hear from you.

    (It’s Friday, which means this will be my last blog post for the week. If you’d like to give me a good send off, please take a moment to like, share comment, or even follow this blog. If you do, I promise I will redesign it to look really cool and engaging.)

  • A Little Fish in a Little Pond

    I was getting ready to work on the blog this morning, and I had been thinking that I was going to write about either Tottenham beating Frankfurt, or buying shoes for my kid’s Halloween costume, and then I saw the WORDPRESS.COM ad come up for monetizing my blog. Hell, who doesn’t like making money, right? And who out there wouldn’t like making money from the thing they like to do most; for me that’s writing about my observations that are neither revolutionary nor revelatory, but might slightly be funny. I went down the rabbit hole of having ads on my blog, and the bottom line is that if I want to see any substantial money to, let’s say, pay my family’s phone bill, then I would need thousands of people to visit my site a month. Currently, the most views I have every received on my site for a single month was 228. Though my numbers have been growing almost every month for the past year, I am a long way off from having views that would generate an income.

    The other fact that must be shared is that I am not working very hard to make this blog successful. You reap what you sow? Sure, I guess that’s true. I put forth a minimum effort, as I don’t think about design or social media, and I’m very terrible about following other blogs, and commenting on them. These are all the things you are “supposed to do” to make a blog successful, and for the life of me, I suck at it.

    What I really want to do is just write, and I do that. And this is the result.

    And you know, there is a reason why I don’t tell people about this blog, or the writing that I am doing, because when I tell them that I have a blog, and I’m writing stories, some of them will immediately start telling all the things I should do the be successful at it. I know that these friends are doing this because they care about me, and want to support me to be successful at what I am doing. Yet, when this happens, it leaves me feeling annoyed because it’s like they didn’t listen to the part of why I am doing this.

    I’m doing this because I like to do it, and I want to share it, and I’m not too concerned with how many people I share it with. I’m not saying that I’m not looking for validation, as there is a little bit of vanity in me for I do check my numbers daily. (There is something nice about seeing my four to six regular readers like a post. That does make me happy.) No matter how many people read this blog today, it will not affect my resolve to write one tomorrow.

    But I will add this, as I do think about it often if not daily; My Grandma Groff used to say that in life you need at least these three things – 1. A reason to get up in the morning. 2. You gotta have a goal. 3. A little spending money doesn’t hurt. I’m not sure if this blog, or my writing in general is fulfilling those three points, but I do feel that they are intertwined. I like getting up in the morning, and I have a goal, but it’s just that “spending money” point seems to be lacking.

    The point here people – I currently won’t be putting ads on my site.

    (So… Hey Ya! Now that you have made it this far, if you would be so kind, please take a moment to give a like, or a share, throw a comment at me, or follow this blog. Because, you know, I am a little vain.)

  • Busy Day Ahead

    I am in a hurry today. I was up at the normal time and turned the coffee maker on. I got the wife up and then the kid. Made the kid breakfast, packed her lunch. The wife got clothes out for the kid and helped her get dressed. Me and the kid brushed teeth together, put on shoes and we headed out for the school drop off with the permission slip for the upcoming field trip. I got her to school on time; said hello to her teacher and some of the other parents. Said my goodbyes and returned home. Then I made a meal plan for the week, and made a grocery shopping list. Then I balanced our check book, moved some money around, updated all of our bills to make sure everything was getting paid on time. I still need to shower and head out to Trader Joe’s before the old people and the young professionals pick over the store. Then I need to put the groceries away, make lunch for me and the wife, and then head back to school for the pickup. Hopefully the kid will want to go to the local park and play with her friends which will give me an hour or two hours to read, and write in my journal. Then home, play with the kid, make dinner, watch tv together, and then make the kid take a shower. Then that leaves snuggle and story time, with the kid hopefully going right off to sleep. Which will allow me to clean up the kitchen, and get the coffee ready for the morning. Then the wife and I will get an hour to catch up and fall asleep watching something on tv. And that’s pretty much my day.

    But before I head out to the store, I need to give myself a few minutes to write this blog thing.

    And all in all, most days, I’m pretty happy with this. Some days I do wonder if I am missing out, or I wonder if I could be doing more in the world. And then there are days where I am really terrible at this stay at home dad thing.

    This is where I am and I am happy. I know this because I don’t dread waking up in the morning.

    Okay, off to the store. Maybe there will be a Tottenham blog later in the day. We’ll see.

    (AND, please be kind and rewind and also take a moment to give a like, share, comment, or the greatest gesture of all, follow this blog. Please, it would mean a lot to me because I don’t want to start making TikTok videos.)

  • The Reason Why I Am Edgy This Week

    I had mentioned in my post on Friday that my family and I were going out this weekend for some apple picking, and I had joked about how silly the act of picking apples was, but deep down I really enjoy doing it. The place we went was Apple Dave’s Orchards in Warwick, NY, and we’ve gone there for several years and have always had a really enjoyable time. I recommend you head out there, and get the apple cider donuts while you’re at it.

    And after the apple picking, we ran a few errands in New Jersey before we headed home to Harlem. While we were running these errands, I felt myself getting edgy. I didn’t have an outbursts, or get mad at anyone, but I could feel this slight level of annoyance building in me. I know myself well enough to know that I needed to remind myself to relax, and not take anything serious.

    But for the rest of the weekend, this feeling of frustration never left me. It was also a feeling of stress and anxiety. My shoulders ached. I got a canker sore in my mouth. I had trouble sleeping. I was feeling like I was falling apart, but I could think why? I’m having the normal stresses in life, such as nothing has changed recently. We are plugging away, trying to get ahead like we have been trying for the past two years. Life’s normal.

    As I was taking our laundry to the laundromat this morning, I started thinking about my weekend, and how I might want to write a blog about apple picking. I took some pictures of our apple adventure on Saturday, and thought I might want to use them in the blog, which reminded me of the first time we went out to Dave’s Orchards with my parents, who had come to visit us in the fall of 2017. And the reason we go back to Dave’s every year because it is a place that we have fond memories with my mother, who passed away four years ago on October 14th.

    And then I knew.

    I had forgotten about the anniversary of my mother’s death. Well… consciously I had, but not sub-consciously.

    I know that my mother is dead. It’s not like I forgot that. I am at the point now that I can talk about my mother without an issue. I can even talk about her death and the awfulness of losing her. What does get to me is thinking about the things Ma isn’t here for; birthdays, holidays, and a simple phone call. It breaks my heart not being able to share things with her. Whether she wanted it or not, I did talk a lot to her.

    It will be a tough week, and I’ll be subdued while just feeling sad. It’s not like I won’t be able to function this week, or that I will be angry or something. What it’s like is having a blanket of melancholy around me, and all events will be filter through that feeling. And that will be manageable.

    I just miss my mom, still. That’s all.

    (Hey. Thanks for taking a second to read this. If you could, please take a moment to give a like, share, or comment, and follows are always welcomed.)