Blog

  • To Do List

    After I took the kid to school, this morning, I hit on the idea that I should just make a list of everything that I want to accomplish today, and that way I will see that I got something done.

    It’s just a mind trick, but it is an affective one.

    Of the 10 things that I had on my list, I only have two left to go, and writing is one of the two, so I am checking that one off as we speak.

    Another item on the list was to start looking up freelance writing work, and I did find some listings. All of them want a list of published work, and writing samples. Well… as of this minute I have only one web-publish review of a “D” horror movie, and plenty of samples! I know that I just have to put myself out there and see what happens. When I read up on starting a freelance writing career, all the books suggest that one should focus on what they want to write about, and go after that. My problem is that I sort of want to explore everything.

    But I think everyone says that when it comes to career advice.

    And I often wonder about people who follow that advice. Do they actually know what they want to focus on, or do they pick one thing and go with it, no matter what?

    My gut tells me people pick something and go with it.

    I would like to stay open to things.

    Let’s see how long I can stick to it.

  • Adjusting

    Today was my first day of a little depression. With the huge Camp Fire burning to the north of us, we have been covered in smoke, so we can’t go outside as the air is unbreathable. The wife goes to work, the kid goes to school, and I am at home looking for a job, and trying to write.

    It was fun for the first few days.

    Today, clearly, I hit a wall.

    I felt unmotivated, and couldn’t get going on anything. I mean, I got groceries for the family, but then I couldn’t do anything else.

    I watched the news, and just spent the day thinking about everything that could be happening to me in New York. Social media doesn’t help, because I can see what all of my friends are doing in NYC. And that kicks in the “fear of missing out.”

    But they are in there, and I am here, and 3,000 miles separates us.

    Another part of this is that I was talking to an old college friend last night, and he was asking me about how I was doing, and why I moved to California. It wasn’t in an accusatory way, more along the lines of “help me understand your decision so I can support you.”

    Why did I move?

    Well… I wanted a better life for my kid. I wanted to go on an adventure and try something new. I wanted to focus on writing. But as I was talking to my friend, I found myself saying something that I hadn’t expressed before, which was I was becoming the type of person who couldn’t celebrate other’s successes without trying to pull them down. The theatre world isn’t very nice, and I was beginning to take part in the bitter middle-aged actor stereotype. And to be that person made me a crappy father and a shitty husband. Maybe that was New York’s fault, but it was really my fault.

    I needed to change things.

    I needed to reinvent myself.

    Today was a day that I started to doubt that decision.

    Not that I am changing my mind.

  • Traveling Observations

    It took us seven days to drive from New York to California. We pretty much stayed on the interstates, except for a pace in Texas and Arizona. Most of the travel writing I have read has always attested to the glory of seeing America on the two-lane highways.

    I guess that could be true.

    I did spend a time in my early twenties travelling the back roads of East Texas, to visit friends at the small universities they were attending. I would call that quaint travelling, and small towns are nice, but some of them were happy to see you leave.

    Being on the big interstates of the country, you do get to see how these highways were cut into the land. In a few cases, mountains that were cut in two, and valleys that were filled in. It was like looking at the result that civil engineering can have on the land.

    The other observation that I made was the number of abandoned barns there are in the country. From western New Jersey to the Big Valley in California; there was always a rain and sun grayed wooden barn that wasn’t too far from the side of the highway that had its roof coming in, or barn doors off. I guess these barns were the last monument of the family farm, or that’s what I liked to tell myself.

  • Parenting Challenges

    Today, with the observance of Veteran’s Day, the kid’s school is closed. The wife, on the other hand, had to go to work. That leaves me with the kid.

    Back in New York, those were good days to spend together. Since it would be a “treat” that Dad would be home during the week, we’d watch a little extra TV, but then get ready and walk three blocks over to the park. We’d be there for an hour or more, and then head back for lunch. After eating, it would be nap time, and sometimes I would also take a nap on the couch watching Sports Center. When we got up, story and drawing time. Maybe one more TV show, and then news and getting ready for Mom to come home and dinner.

    Ah… but we are in California now. We need a car to go to the nearest park, but the wife has it today to go to work. There are wild fires that are blowing smoke in our direction, and the air quality is so bad that we can’t go outside to play. This past weekend, the last of our things arrived, so there are boxes all over the apartment. We will be making a game of putting things away and arranging the furniture. I set the kid’s easel up in the living room so we can all draw together.

    We are in transition, and this is a big change for all of us, sometimes to does feel overwhelming.  I had a colleague at the last job I had who shared an article with me when we were in the processes of moving offices. The article was about how people hate change/transition and will react negatively to things they normally would agree with. I lost the article, but I have thought about it often over this past month with everything that has happened to us. It might be awhile before we begin to feel normal again.

  • Where Did the Day Go

    I do get distracted a little too easily. I have been working on writing today, I think out of six hours, I have only written for about one of those.

    One hour was for lunch.

    I did read a review on a book of Sylvia Plath’s letters, that took an hour.

    So… I can account for three hours.

    That would mean I have procrastinated for three hours.

    I can admit that I got sucked down a rabbit hole of looking up stuff on the Dragonlance and D&D stuff earlier. But in my defense, I hadn’t thought about all of that for a very longtime. In junior high and early high school, I read all of those novels and was really into all of it.

    I have been reading the news all day about awful stuff that I know everyone is aware of.

    Since moving to California, I have been looking for a job, and it hasn’t gone the way I thought it would, as I still don’t have one. My thought was that I would be splitting my days job hunting and writing. The writing past hasn’t taken off as fast as I thought it would.

    What I want to believe is that I need time to relax after the month I have had, but that makes me feel guilty. Two people are depending on me to find a job, and that is what has taken over my thinking. “MUST FIND A JOB!”