Author: Matthew Groff

  • Short Story Review: “Stories About Us” by Lore Segal

    (The short story “Stories About Us” by Lore Segal appeared in the October 7th, 2024 issue of The New Yorker.)

    Illustration by Marta Monteiro

    I love Lore Segal’s writing. And when I say that, I fully admit that I am referring to her short stories that I have read in The New Yorker. (I really need to pick up one of her novels.) I love how her short stories don’t fit neatly in any box, are elusive like trying to grasp smoke, and no matter how serious or melancholy a piece or section of a piece might be, her work leaves me feeling better, more affirming towards life.

    What is “Stories About Us,” about? I’m still not sure. I guess you could say that it five short vignettes about older women who live in New York, and talk to each other about their lives…

    “Stories About Us,” is also about being validated, being seen, being missed, the contradictions in life, inclusion as an act of grace, and the past that still lives with us.

    What I like about Segal’s writing, and this story in particular is that at the first read, I wasn’t sure what was going on, and then I thought about it, and I concluded that I knew what was going on. And then I re-read it this morning, and I’m not sure I really know what’s going on, but I’m okay with that. There is an undisputed piece of truth in each one of the sections, that is wonderful to discover, like a flower opening up. And in quick secession, Segal lets us see the thinking and insights of these characters; women who are complicated and vulnerable, having lived lives, and still want to keep exploring and experiencing. I can’t explain how Segal does it, but there is an ebb and flow to each section, working together like a piece of music, landing on a touching yet unsettling denouement.

    “Stories About Us” is a very fine work, that I might never be able to pinpoint exactly why I enjoy it so much. It also makes me think that’s why Lore Segal is Lore Segal; her writing is like music. I can say why it moves me, it just moves me when I hear it.

  • Parent/Teacher Day

    It’s Parent/Teacher Day and my kid’s school!

    You know who’s excited about Parent/Teacher Day? My daughter! She dressed me up for it. She wanted me in a sportscoat, and I was happy to oblige her. Instead of having this meeting at night, which I feel is normal for most schools, our school decided to hold this meeting in the day, so the parents could see the kids… you know, in their natural environment?

    For the record, anytime the Parent/Teacher Meeting comes up, I tell the kid that if she’s good, she will get pizza for dinner, and if she’s bad then it’s poison. Then she saw that episode of The Simpsons, and now she gets my joke. She also thinks I’m not that original.

    The meeting was fine. The kids were well behaved, and I like the kid’s teachers as they do a very good job, and the kid loves them. We were shown the progress they have made in their subjects, and what we can do as parents to help them with their school work. All in all, it was a cute hour to spend at her school.

    As I was leaving the school, just walking down the street, I had one of those moments where it washed over me how much “parent” defines my life. Most days I don’t feel like a parent, more like a pretend parent making it up as I go. I am aware that most other parents feel the same way, and in fact, the world is made up of half-assed adults faking their way through parenthood. (It really is a wonder that human civilization has developed as well as it has, being that everyone is faking it…) But on a day like today, I felt like “I am parent,” instead of “I’m trying to be a parent.” That doesn’t mean I feel confident as a parent, just that “I am” one.

    Does that make sense?

  • Open Letter to the Asshole Who Stole My Umbrella

    Dear Dingleberry,

    You already know that I consider you to be an asshole from the title of this piece, so I thought it best, in the hopes of keeping this letter active and engaging, that I come up with some other descriptive names for you; such as rat faced monkey butt.

    Yet, I feel I should get to the point. For you, you near sighted stinky weasel, stole my umbrella that was wet, and drying outside of my apartment’s front door. You might not be aware of this, you waste of carbon, but theft is frowned upon. In fact, as this is a small building with a limited number of people living here, we all know each other rather well, and stealing from the front door of your neighbor, is a cardinal sin around these parts.

    I understand why you did it, you simple minded amoeba, it was raining outside, but that doesn’t justify your actions. If you wanted to borrow and return the umbrella, I would have agreed to that, for I am a neighborly neighbor, unlike you, a stain left on the floor.

    But, you did not do that.

    You saw an opportunity, and took it believing that there would be no repercussions to this action. The actions of a poop smelling little person.

    I know that there is a good chance that one of my neighbors did not do this, because as I had mentioned before, we do look out for each other in this building. We help each other move heavy things up and down the stairs, water each other’s plant, feed each other’s animals, delivery packages and mail, and most importantly, hold doors open and say hello. NO, my neighbors are good people.

    You, assclown, most likely don’t live here, and maybe thought you would never come back here, or if you do come back, so much time will have past that no one will care that you swiped an umbrella from someone’s door step.

    Ah! You figured wrong; you chunk of ear wax! You couldn’t have imagined that “the power of words” would come after you in this wildly passive-aggressive letter! Yes, the pen is mightier than the sword, but a baseball bat to the shins is even better!

    And with no due respect; please burn in hell. Forever, if you wouldn’t mind,

    Matt Groff

    P.S. – Bruce knows what I’m going through…

  • ODDS and ENDS: Hurricane Training, Mayor of NYC, and LinkedIn

    (I’m a cold Italian pizza, I could use a lemon squeeze-a…)

    Yes, hurricanes are dangerous, and we should take them seriously. The damage they cause and the loss of life, so people need to heed the warnings that officials give. But I want to talk about those poor television meteorologists who get stuck with the job of standing out in the wind and rain to “show us” how dangerous the storm is. First of all, no one is out here asking for somebody to stand in the storm – when you tell us it’s windy and rainy, we believe you, we’re good. Second, and being that it’s a cliche for the weatherman to stand in the storm, it’s dangerous to do that, so does the meteorologist receive some sort of training? Do they teach how to breast a storm and hold on to your hat? Or is this a “figure it out on your own” type situation?

    I told you that you couldn’t trust Eric Adams. If a guy lies about sharing an apartment with his son so he can claim residency in NYC to run for mayor, then you know he’s not fit for the job. Just saying…

    Oh LinkedIn; the account I have but never use. Though I haven’t touched it in years, I do enjoy your weekly email telling me that my profile appeared in 3 searches. Week in, week out, it’s always the same – 3 searches. It’s a magic number, three.

  • My “Merch” Page

    I sit in my little office, and I try to come up with things. Sometimes I write them down, and put them up on my blog. Other times, I send them out to magazines – both online and print – with the hopes that they get published. I have made some headway in this regard, but my results have been modest, to say the most. Through all of this, there has been a goal in the back of my mind, which is that I will earn enough money from my writing to go and buy a new computer. Not that I need a new computer, it’s more of a symbol, and sounds better than saying I want to earn $1,000. (But if someone out there wants to buy me a MacBook Air 13-inch with M2 chip, I won’t say no.) As of the end of August, combining what I have earned from my writing and the ads on my blog, I have $6.69.

    I started to think, I might need to diversify my income streams from my writing. Hence why I am contemplating opening up a “merch” store on the blog.

    This might require that I come up with a logo. Maybe a funny catch phrase or two that could go on a sweatshirt or a hoodie. And I gotta have coffee mugs.

    I produced enough shows and ran some theatre companies that I know you never make your money off of ticket sales; it’s the concessions and the mech that really pays for everything. Well, that and grants and a large loyal donor base…

    Point being, maybe my tens and tens of fans are coming for my witty observations and inspired criticisms, but that stuff doesn’t pay the bills, you know.

    First of all, I do need you guys to like and subscribe as that does help me move up in the algorithm.

    Next, I will set up a page on the blog, and get some really funny and catchy shit on t-shirts that we all can wear ironically (or sincerely… they’ll always wonder when reading it…) I haven’t forgotten about the coffee mugs; those will have inspirational crap on it, like “The Only Rule is that There Are No Rules.”

    Right?

    Oh, and I’m open to a refurbished MacBook Air from like a year, as well.