Author: Matthew Groff

  • Learning How to Lose

    My kid had to deal with her first big loss yesterday; she failed a test at school. Not only that, but it was a test that she thought she had aced, so it was a double shock.

    She didn’t take it well.

    No, she was pretty upset, and there were many factors as to why she was so mad. Embarrassment, feelings of inferiority, fear that she would fail her class, fear that she would fail the whole year, fear the would have to repeat the grade, and just a general disappointment in herself. All hard things for a kid to deal with, but they are things that a kid has to learn to deal with. My approach was to let her be upset and get all of that pent-up anger out of her system.

    My grandfather used to say that when you get mad, you should give yourself a day to wallow in it, but then you have to start making changes in the morning. It’s generally worked for me. Some losses are harder than others. Instead of a day, in some situations I needed days, weeks, even a month. Anger can tell you many things – and when I listen to why I’m angry, it tells me what changes I need to make.

    That might be too much for the kid to dwell on for right now.

    I thought it best to help her try to forgive herself, relax enough to get some sleep, and then discover that tomorrow did arrive in the morning, and it all wasn’t as bad as you thought it was. As long as you have a tomorrow, you always have a chance to make it better.

  • Goodbye, Twitter or X

    I have been thinking about it this weekend, and I have come to the conclusion that it is time for me to leave Twitter, or X. Not that I have a huge presence on Twitter/X, as I think half of my followers are Russian bots, but it just isn’t the same on there anymore.

    I join a long time ago, and would only pop in occasionally, but with the onset of Covid, I found myself using the app more and more. In fact, I had come to appreciate the app for being able to connect with so many different writers, at different stages of their careers, and I was starting to feel like I was a part of a larger community.

    That changed with Elon taking over. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, as Twitter always had a cesspool side to it, and trolls abound in darkness. But, since Elon told us that he was a champion of free speech, I began to notice more and more vitriol, hate, and the lies started to boil to the surface often. Now that Elon is using Twitter/X as a platform for boosting Trump’s agenda, and hate, I cannot sit by.

    Though I know I am not a large amount of bandwidth on Twitter/X, I do know that the one commodity I have on this site is my content. And all of us put our content out here for free, which allows Elon to make more money and reach more people. Because of that, I will no longer be complicit. I will use my content, and my dollar, and go somewhere else.

    That platform will be Threads.

    And I am painfully aware that I am swapping out one billionaire for another, which doesn’t sit the best with me, but this is the world we live in. I fear that it will only be a matter of time before I will have to question if using an app is the same as making a moral choice.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Still Cleaning, Thanksgiving, and Wrong Week…

    (You got to hide your love away…)

    I’m still processing Trump’s victory, what this says about us as Americans, and at the end of all of this contemplation, I am going to have the cleanest kitchen in The Five Boroughs. I know what I’m really doing; trying to put order back on the world of chaos I find myself in. It’s working, as any good therapy does, but it will still take time. Deep down, I sort of do hope that I am over reacting. That Trump’s term will be a big nothing burger of incompetence and gaffs, but the economy improves and we all go on with our lives. But I also know nothing is really over. And there always is a tomorrow to try again. Not the most encouraging thought, but it’s all that I got right now. That and I have some grout to scrub.

    Thanksgiving is not too far away, like less than three weeks. This is the holiday that I look forwards to the most. I love making food with my family, and taking it easy. The kid is old enough now to start making her own dish for the event. And it’s an all day event in our home; A special baked good breakfast of some sort, noshy lunch, and then the dinner when everything is ready. Each year it runs a little different, as we like to keep evolving our Thanksgiving menu, adding this dish, or retiring that side. But as I get older, it’s the time with my family that means the most. Planning together, shopping as a family, putting all the pieces together starting the night before and the day of. All that time shared together.

  • Still Cleaning

    I’m feeling better than I did yesterday. Still not great. Disappointment and a feeling of being lost is what I seem to be swimming in.

    And nothing is exciting me, nor am I feeling inspired, which is rather annoying. Like, when my life gets stressful or chaotic, or dramatic events unfold, creativity is a well spring outta me. I am finding the opposite right now. I can’t get myself to write, or work on some old ideas, or submit to publications that I know will never accept me. Even posting this blog feels like a bit of a chore.

    So I am sticking to what helped me yesterday; cleaning. I got half of my kitchen taken care of – cabinets and the pantry. Today will be the shelves, refrigerator. Not too much, as I am pacing myself, as I feel that I will need some cleaning on Friday as well.

    I thought about going to the gym, but the idea of being around other people I find discomforting right now.

    No, what feels good right now is cleaning my home. Making this apartment feel taken care of and safe.

    I am also listening to every Beatles album in order, including all of their singles, while I clean. That makes me feel better.

  • Waking Up This Morning

    Not sure what, or how this happened, but it did.

    Today, I’m going to clean my kitchen. It needs it.

    Then, I’m going to watch a lot of Great British Baking Show.

    And tomorrow, I’m going to start to figure out what I need to do next.