I have been so conflicted since I got back from the tour of the puppet show. Most of it has to do with the closing show blues. You get so close to a group of people, seeing them every day, and working with them. It’s like friendship with a very clear purpose or goal; Get the show open. And it was a really great cast. We all got along, and it was a very professional and laid-back group. We had a lot of fun, but we got our shit done. Anyway, I used the word conflicted because these types of shows are few and far between, and coming back to the City, I just feel that I should be doing more creative things, and get out of the job situation I am in. Such as, even if I quite this job, I would find my way to working a similar type of job. Instead of just saying fuck it, and going out there are trying freelancing. I did freelancing for a shot time and I hated every minute of it. It was like being on the edge of homelessness and that worry never left me. Now there is a wife and kid involved, and I don’t know how I would make it happen… But that is the fear talking, and it seems like the fear comes back to me when I get back to the City. When we were on the road, I had no fear, and I felt free, and confidante to handle any challenge. This is the central issue of my life; committing to a creative career.
Author: Matthew Groff
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Day After the Election
Well… The primary election thing didn’t really work out the way I thought. Both of the people I supported failed to secure the nomination. I guess it is still democracy in action even when your candidate doesn’t win.
Last night, as we were finishing up rehearsal, which happened to be right after the polls closed, the whole cast and crew gathered around a phone to see the early return results. All of us were supporting the same people, and there was a disappointment as the first returns came back, and they weren’t good.
One cast member wondered out loud why the Nixon/Teachout were so low, because he had only heard from people that Nixon/Teachout were the ones they were voting for. Then he caught himself. “Of course, they would say that. That’s the liberal bubble I live in.”
And thus… One of the problems of living here in New York, and being in the very liberal arts community; political thought is either liberal, or really fucking liberal. (Hell, I still miss Bernie.)
I try to keep an open mind, and see if I can find the middle ground on issues. That seems what I rational person should do.
But at the same time…
I do think everyone should have access to health care.
I do think taxes should be raised on the wealthy.
To pay for things like roads and bridges and schools.
I think we do need to address the income gap.
And the coming housing crisis.
You know…
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Vote Today
It Primary Day in New York, which is pretty useless. I had written how to get more people to vote, and this morning there was a piece in the NY Times about how New York state does things that seem to hamper people’s ability to vote.
Full disclosure, I won’t be voting in the primaries as I am not registered with a political party. The process of registering with the Board of Elections as a member of a party is complicated and has to be done well in advance. (yet another reason why turnout is low, and incumbents stay in power.) I preferred to keep my independence, but now I am beginning to feel that to make changes in the system, I have to start taking part in the party.
Though I am not voting, there are two people I would specifically be voting for today; Cynthia Nixon, and Zephyr Teachout. And by putting my support behind the two of them, I can see that I am still hanging on to my Bernie Sanders ideology; progressivism fighting and gumming up the system, if need be.
I want to believe that this stance is part of the solution, but I do know that democracy really does run on compromise, and how much of my progressivism and liberal leanings am I willing to find middle ground on?
Either way, you should get out and vote.
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Music Leads to Other Things
When I was a freshman in college at Sam Houston State, Steve Miller’s Greatest Hits was a CD that just about everybody had in their dorm room. This would be 1995/96, and though it was a still a grungy music world, Steve Miller kept popping up. I never put much thought into it, but as I was making a playlist, and put “Take the Money and Run” on it, this thought formed in my head. I wonder why that was, but as soon as I asked, I know that I will never find the answer.
What was classic rock to me, are oldies to kids today, as my music has passed into classic rock.
Another song that I put on the playlist “Just Got Paid” by ZZ Top. (I found a live version on YouTube that made me smile.) Having grown up in Texas, this is the kind of song that taps into a Texas spirit that I don’t think is around much anymore. The same way that Stevie Ray Vaughn and Willie Nelson capture a certain attitude of Texas. Not that conservative, wall building tough guy bullshit. It’s a slightly rough around the edges, individualistic, but respectful attitude.
That actually does bother me, that the perception of Texas to the rest of the country is that it is a deep red land of reactionary crazies, who love God, Guns, stopping abortions and building walls. Hell, they elected Ted Cruz. Growing up there, it was different. Old Texas let people be themselves, and it was nobody’s business what they did.
Somehow, I got from classic rock to here… Just connecting tangents of ideas today.
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Power of Rehearsal
It’s been little over a year since the last time I was in rehearsal for a show. Currently, I am working on a puppet show which I had worked on four years ago. It’s getting remounted and we are taking it on the road for a week. The last two nights in rehearsal, we had the original choreographer with us, and he and the director decided that the puppets needed a new dance, and it’s great. But it was demanding, hard work. (The puppets are ¾ life size, it takes three people to work one of them, and we have a new person on our team, who is great, but it still takes a little time to get into a rhythm together.) And we have more of it tonight… And I can’t wait.
This is the stuff that I really love to do, so there really is no surprise that I am excited about it. What does help is that my job recently has become so unenjoyable, that anything that is enjoyable, thusly becomes magnified by infinity! I can’t help but compare the two, for I have to sit through one to get to the other.
A few points have been hammered home to me this week. One, don’t get good at something you don’t like doing, and that would be my current job. A professor of mine from college said that to me right before I graduated. I keep forgetting this advice, but he has been right every time I take a job to get ahead. Second, since I am over 40 and a pessimist, I had this weird feeling that there could be a chance that this might be my last puppet show. This presumably negative thought has given me a wonderful feeling of being at peace in the rehearsal process, and also made me very grateful for the people I am working with. Third, I remembered the importance of looking forward to something, or as my Grandmother would say, having a goal. Getting up with a purpose in the morning has been wonderful, and I think has made me into a happier person. I want to get at the day.
It has been a great two weeks, and I only have a week and a half left. I at least know that you should appreciate when you are in a place that gives you unabashed happiness.
