Author: Matthew Groff

  • Keep It Together

    I have been trying to stay positive through the move to California, all the changes that it has brought, and the fact that I am way outside of my comfort zone. It has been messin’ with my head.

    The biggest issue that I am having right now is that I haven’t been able to find a job. I have sent out 20+ resumes to prospective jobs in the span of 6 weeks, and I have only landed two interviews. It has made me start second guessing myself, and then on Friday night I started down the spiraling path of self-destructive thinking by beginning to believe that I would never find a job, and that would cause us to default on all of our bills, and that it is only a matter of time before we are homeless…

    And then I read this opinion piece over the weekend, all about rejection.

    It did put a few things in prospective, which I needed, so thank you Emily Winter for writing it.

    I still need to get a job to pay bills, that part hasn’t changed, but it reminded me to start thinking about longer term goals. What are the steps that I need to be taking now? And there is a difference from just “trying” at something, and working hard at it. As Emily said in her piece, “I’m so tired, and that’s how I know I did it right. If I weren’t exhausted, it would mean I’d just spent the last year asking for things without putting in the work to earn them. To me, there’s nothing more off-putting than entitlement.”

    She has a very good point.

  • Walking

    So… I have been doing the video work out stuff, and I pretty much hate it. I’m doing it, but I hate it. And again, it’s the fake level of excitement of the people in the videos that really bother me. Now, I freely admit that the system works, so it’s just the thing I have to deal with. I hate working out, but I want to lose weight and live for a while.

    I have been following the routine for two weeks. I have also adjusted my diet, and focused on getting 8 hours of sleep, and no more late-night snacking. And the results…

    Nothing…

    I have neither gained or lost weight.

    Last time I did this, back when I was living in New York, I saw results in two weeks. I could clearly tell that positive changes were having an effect. So, why is there no change this time around?

    I thought about this for over the past few days, specifically what are the changes from the last time, to this time?

    And then it hit me.

    I checked the pedometer on my phone…

    In California, I average 500 steps a day.

    In New York, I averaged 8,000 steps a day.

    I have lost the linchpin of my ability to get into shape; having to walk everywhere.

    Looks like I will have to get back to running…

  • Corporate Welfare

    The New York Times ran this piece today about tax breaks for corporations, and how it’s just a big con being played on the American people. Corporations never live up to their promises, and we the tax payers are left holding the bag.

    I do speak from firsthand knowledge having grown up in Arlington, TX and watched the Rangers pull this con game twice, and the Cowboys once.

    Back in 1989, the Texas Rangers were bought by an investment group headed by George W. Bush, and they pushed very hard after acquiring the team that they needed a new stadium. (The old ballpark was pretty bad, in all fairness.) They threatened to take the team to another city unless Arlington ponied up 71% of the cost of a new stadium. Also, the city created a corporation that used eminent domain to take over additional tracks of land for future development. What was promised was a San Antonio-esq Riverwalk with shops and hotels, and all kinds of other crap that would bring “additional job.” They never built the Riverwalk, and no additional job were ever created. The Ballpark in Arlington, they said, was the type of stadium that would be around for 100 years.

    Then, Jerry Jones does the same thing with the Dallas Cowboys. In 2004, he wanted a new stadium in Dallas, but the Dallas county commissioners wouldn’t put it to a vote, as the polling showed Dallas citizens had no interest with paying for a stadium and getting nothing in return. People pointed to the Ballpark in Arlington that Bush built, and how none of the promises materialized. But Jerry is a smart one. He took the whole thing to Arlington, and the people of that city again agreed to raise their taxes for a load of promises of the “entertainment center” that would be built. They got the AT&T Stadium, but Jerry only built parking lots, and nothing else.

    The in 2016, the new Rangers owners decided that they had to have a new stadium as well. They followed the same playbook; threatened to leave unless the city put up the money for a new stadium. But this time it would be different. The new owners promised that there would be a new entertainment center that would create lots of new jobs. Again, people voted for it…

    When I talk to friends and family that still live in Arlington, they tell me that the tax raise is not that big, that they are getting the jobs in return, and this will make Arlington a better place.

    But if you bring up raising taxes to help the local schools, or to provide a mass transit option (Arlington is the largest city in America without any public transportation) then these same people will say they can’t afford the tax increase, that they get nothing out of it, and it won’t make Arlington a better place. And you can’t trust the government.

    But you can trust billionaires who need a handout, and never keep their promises?

  • Purpose of Being

    I guess the positive thinking thing worked. I have an interview next week, and it is a relief just to have that. As I stated before in the earlier post, I was beginning to get worried that there was something wrong with me. I’m not sure if this is the job for me, or even if I will be offered a job, but I’m glad that I have been scheduled for the interview, and let’s be honest, if they offer me a job, I will be taking it.

    Okay, so, what have I learned from this month of getting constant and consistent rejection?

    Besides that it sucks…

    I do need to feel productive and help contribute to my family. Right now, that feels like I have to have a job and bring money in. But I started to have a thought; what if I didn’t have to work? Such as, what if my wife brought in enough money that it wasn’t required for me to have an income?

    We have already been in the situation where she earned more money than me, and that didn’t threaten me in any way. I am confident that her earning all the money wouldn’t be an issue.

    I think that this situation would manifest itself into my need to have a purpose. As long as I had that, a goal, then I would be okay. If I was the house husband, supporting her career, and looking after the kid, while still having the time to write, that I would be okay with.

    Not that we’re are in that situation.

    I just need to get a job, and I am one step closer.

    And things don’t look so bad anymore…

  • Positive Thinking

    I just have been thrown off with not finding a job right away out here. I was told the California market was a good place, but I have been here a month, and still no job interview. I sort of thought, clearly incorrectly, that having experience in New York would at least allow me to get my foot in the door.

    Not so much.

    In my other career, I had hired a good number of people over the past seven years. I thought that this would have given me the ability to know how to work and handle presenting myself in the best possible way to employers. That logic hasn’t paid out, and I am a little confused.

    Part of my confusion also comes from the fact that the longer I look for work, the more I start to think that there is something wrong with me, and that I just might never get a job again!!! It’s a downward spiral, and the more I sit around looking for a job, the more I start to think that my situation is hopeless.

    And that is the real trick is life; staying positive in difficult situations. (Again, a skill I thought I had, but maybe not so much.) Maybe I was positive in an abstract sense, only about things that touched the periphery of my life. When things get bad, I say the positive thing, but harbor the negative thought in the back of my mind.

    But, as I have left my old life, and I am starting a new one, then I have the opportunity to lead a positive thinking life. (See how I did that?) And then that makes me think that positive thinking is actually faith and hope that things will be better.

    Rabbit hole here…

    I just need a job…