Author: Matthew Groff

  • DMV And Mass Weed

    So, if it has DMV in the title, I bet you can see a cliché story coming about waiting in line for hours.

    And you would be partially correct.

    I now live in California, and I needed to go and get myself a California drivers license. To speed up the process, California allows you to fill out forms online, and have them waiting for you at the DMV. They also let you sign up for an appointment, this way you don’t have to spend hours waiting in line. I took advantage of this and filled out the form and requested an appointment. The earliest I could get into my local DMV was January 24th, at 10am. I love the irony of how they created a system to cut down on the waiting time, which has a two and a half month waiting time.

    I went to the DMV this morning and waited two and a half hours just to be seen by someone. It turned out well, I have acquired a California drivers license, am registered to vote, and am an organ donor.

    While I was waiting for two and half hours, I scanned the news and tried to catch up on my reading. A story that caught my eye was about how Massachusetts legalized the sale of weed today. They are now the first east coast state to legalize, which is cool, and I think also shows that it is only a matter of time before it is legal everywhere.

    The aspect that I found interesting was the timing of all of this. Massachusetts allowed sales to start two days before Thanksgiving; a holiday that revolves around food and family. I mean, being high does make you wanna eat, and most people I know need to be high to deal with their families.

  • Job Hunting

    I have now been in California for two and a half weeks now, and the job-hunting fear has set in. I have been sending out resumes and applications, and I haven’t got one interview yet. The first week was no big deal, the second week was a little annoying. Now, that we are on week three, and it is a short week with Thanksgiving, which means my search will continue into a fourth week. The fear is setting in. It is possible now that I will go a month with nothing.

    That’s a problem.

    As we planned this move to California, me finding a job wasn’t that big of a concern. I had worked my way up in arts management, and from that, I thought I had many marketable skills.

    I am beginning to have second thoughts about that.

    Also, it has been almost 15 years since I was last out of a job, and the instability and insecurity that this situation creates has caused more than a few self-doubts. There are a few anxiety triggers that are firing up now which also makes me spiral/fall into thinking that everything will blow up in my face. That I won’t be able to provide…

    And then I have to remind myself that I need to relax.

    Take a breath.

    I’m not at the panic point yet, though I can see it on the horizon.

  • The Beatles (The White Album) Super Deluxe Edition

    I listened to the 50th Anniversary Super Deluxe Edition of The White Album yesterday and today. I have been waiting for this to come out for some time, as I am a super Beatles fan. Over all, I am very happy with what they put out in this edition.

    My first impression is that the remixing of the original album is great. The music on this mix is much sharper, clearer, and also, they pulled forward sounds that had been lost in the background due to the use of a four track in the initial recording.

    The other treasure is the Esher Demos on the third disk, which were recordings made at George Harrison’s house of the songs that John, Paul and George had been working on for the new album. Some of these tracks had been released on the Anthology Three way back in the 90’s, but on this edition, 27 tracks were included. In these demos, we are given an amazing insight to the first drafts of some of these songs; some songs evolved, while others were pretty much complete and ready to go.

    The final three disks are outtakes from the studio, a few jams, and instrumental tracks. It is interesting to get a glimpse of the building of these songs, but in this presentation of this material, a false reality is created. These outtakes leave one feeling that The Beatles were having a great time recording in the studio, when the reality was quite different.

    Of the 30 original songs on The White Album, only 16 tracks had all four playing on them. The real sessions had arguments, and walk outs, and lots and lots of tension that would start the process of the band’s eventual breakup. I know the recording exists, as I have heard stories about it, and I wanted to hear the tape where John calls Paul a “fucking idiot,” because they were a band that was making great music while they didn’t like each other. That is an amazing accomplishment as well, and I want to hear how they did that, but that is not what is being presented. What we have is a celebration of a great album, and not a historical document.

  • To Do List

    After I took the kid to school, this morning, I hit on the idea that I should just make a list of everything that I want to accomplish today, and that way I will see that I got something done.

    It’s just a mind trick, but it is an affective one.

    Of the 10 things that I had on my list, I only have two left to go, and writing is one of the two, so I am checking that one off as we speak.

    Another item on the list was to start looking up freelance writing work, and I did find some listings. All of them want a list of published work, and writing samples. Well… as of this minute I have only one web-publish review of a “D” horror movie, and plenty of samples! I know that I just have to put myself out there and see what happens. When I read up on starting a freelance writing career, all the books suggest that one should focus on what they want to write about, and go after that. My problem is that I sort of want to explore everything.

    But I think everyone says that when it comes to career advice.

    And I often wonder about people who follow that advice. Do they actually know what they want to focus on, or do they pick one thing and go with it, no matter what?

    My gut tells me people pick something and go with it.

    I would like to stay open to things.

    Let’s see how long I can stick to it.

  • Adjusting

    Today was my first day of a little depression. With the huge Camp Fire burning to the north of us, we have been covered in smoke, so we can’t go outside as the air is unbreathable. The wife goes to work, the kid goes to school, and I am at home looking for a job, and trying to write.

    It was fun for the first few days.

    Today, clearly, I hit a wall.

    I felt unmotivated, and couldn’t get going on anything. I mean, I got groceries for the family, but then I couldn’t do anything else.

    I watched the news, and just spent the day thinking about everything that could be happening to me in New York. Social media doesn’t help, because I can see what all of my friends are doing in NYC. And that kicks in the “fear of missing out.”

    But they are in there, and I am here, and 3,000 miles separates us.

    Another part of this is that I was talking to an old college friend last night, and he was asking me about how I was doing, and why I moved to California. It wasn’t in an accusatory way, more along the lines of “help me understand your decision so I can support you.”

    Why did I move?

    Well… I wanted a better life for my kid. I wanted to go on an adventure and try something new. I wanted to focus on writing. But as I was talking to my friend, I found myself saying something that I hadn’t expressed before, which was I was becoming the type of person who couldn’t celebrate other’s successes without trying to pull them down. The theatre world isn’t very nice, and I was beginning to take part in the bitter middle-aged actor stereotype. And to be that person made me a crappy father and a shitty husband. Maybe that was New York’s fault, but it was really my fault.

    I needed to change things.

    I needed to reinvent myself.

    Today was a day that I started to doubt that decision.

    Not that I am changing my mind.