Author: Matthew Groff

  • Interviewing

    I have been on a handful of interviews this week and last. (Waiting to hear back. No offers yet.) I have written before that I am very anxious about finding work, at least to just help contribute to the family’s finances. I don’t like feeling useless, like I’m not helping out.

    I don’t think I am good at interviewing to begin with. It reminds me so much of auditioning which, out of all the steps in a theatre production, was my least favorite. I remember a professor in college telling me that I need to find a way to love all the steps in the process, to be a well-rounded and to keep my sanity, as it is a tough business.

    On all the interviews I have been on, everyone has been really nice, and no one is pulling any “gotcha” questions to trip me up. I dare even say that they are trying to make me feel as comfortable as possible.

    The issues are all on my end. I need a job and I don’t want to fuck it up.

    Also, talking about myself feels very weird.

    I feel like as a child I was told so many times to be humble, and not conceded, so when I am put in situations where it is expected of me to speak about myself, I find myself clamming up.

    I have been pushing myself to talk more in these situations.

    Trying to think of it as another opportunity to grow and break out of old bad habits.

    Hopefully, it will lead to a job.

  • What is New is Old Again: Mary Poppins and Nostalgia

    Every family has their own Christmas traditions. In my family, it was going to see a movie on Christmas Eve. The reason for this, my Dad recently told me, was to kill time as kids and Christmas Eve are a dangerous test of patience for the exciting morning to come. As I now have a kid of my own, I have continued the tradition. This year we took our kid to see the new Mary Poppins.

    My daughter loved it. She is familiar with the original and loved the new one. For us the parents, it was enjoyable, and there are a few heart string moments in it. All in all, it killed two hours for us, created a wonderful family memory, and was worth the price of the ticket.

    As we drove home, there was something that didn’t sit right with me. It was the same feeling I had after watching “Star Wars: The Force Awakens,” and “Star Trek Into Darkness.” They all were a new reconfiguration of the old that was clearly trying to hit the same points of the original.

    There are lots of ways of looking at this, but I think the economics of making movies comes into play. Such as, you can’t make anything too new with old characters because it might turn off the audience, so you have to keep the familiar present to guarantee the return on investment. You don’t need people to love the movie, just not hate it to the point of openly complaining.

    But most importantly, there is the nostalgia factor. These movies, such as the ones named above, are being made for an audience (Gen X, Gen Y and Millennials) who grew up with these movies, and the goal is clearly to try to recreate that felling all over again. My gut tells me this is a futile effort, as nothing can take you back to the time, as it is a feeling, and is specific to each individual.

    It does bother me that there aren’t new stories being created that capture kids’ imaginations. That inspire them explore and go out and create their own stories.

    I would prefer inspiration rather than nostalgic imitation.

  • Trotsky on Netflix: Update

    I am now four episodes in on “Trotsky,” and I am having some thoughts.

    When last I wrote about the show, I was asking if the miniseries was indicative of how Russians view Trotsky now, after Stalin had him purged from the history of the revolution, and moreover, how the Russia people view themselves?

    First of all, dramatically, then series is set up so that Trotsky comes across as an anti-hero. The Don Draper or Walter White of the Russian Revolution. He gets laid a lot while trying to change Russia and the world. I find it fascinating that “anti-hero” is the new way of presenting complicated male characters. Trotsky makes the tough decisions, but is all broken up inside though he can’t admit it, and women can’t say no to him. Yes, I am making a joke, but is this now the way male characters will be presented? For that reason, the show has given me pause as I move forward.

    The next thought is that I am unsure how the series feels about the anti-Semitism in Russia at the time of the revolution. I know the awful history of how difficult and freighting it was to be a Jew in Russia at that time and before, and that Trotsky was able to rise to power in the face of so much hate is impressive. Where I feel the show is lacking is that Trotsky doesn’t seem to fight the anti-Semitism he and others face, but rather just puts up with it. I do know that one of the reasons the Soviets wanted an atheistic society was to combat religious hatred and bigotry that they saw as endemic and destructive to society. Trotsky is being presented as an atheist, but for personal reasons, and not also as a requirement for the new Russia he is envisioning. This does leave me feeling uncomfortable with how the series is dealing with this serious issue, but I know I need to finish all episodes to find out what their conclusion is.

    I am still moving forward with the show. Like I said, I finished episode four, and I have four more to go. This is the crux of the show, if it follows the classic dramatic structure, so everything might change.

    I am still fascinated by watching how Russians view their history. It does make the 1917 Revolution look like a chaotic event that was scary to live through. I am curious what the payoff will be when it comes to the founding of the USSR, and how they treat Trotsky’s exiles.

  • Work Clothes

    Things have picked up for me on the job front. I’m starting to get interviews now, which is a relief, and hopefully, I will be gainfully employed by the end of the month. (I’m still working on writing professionally, but that nut will take a little time to crack, and I have bills that need to be paid.)

    As I gear up for these interviews, and also to getting back into the workforce, I have been dusting off my work clothes, so I can start looking professional and put together again. (Being unemployed does lends itself to leisurewear rather easily.) I have been working in the arts for the past 10 years, and it is an industry that, I would say, prides itself on casual work clothes, rather than formal. It is the arts after all, and the emphasis is being an individual, while the business world is about uniformity; being predictable.

    I have found that in my roles for arts management jobs, I needed to wear a shirt and tie to feel comfortable. I am not a formal clothing person in my day to day, or creative life (Please refer to the leisurewear statement above,) but what I found out was that it was easier for me to do these art administration jobs if, in a sense, I put on a “costume” to do them. Such as, playing a character. Then, when I got home, I would take the “costume” off and separate myself from that work. Not that it always happened, but I knew when I got out of those clothes, the job was done for the day.

  • New Year Admission

    I had taken the past two weeks off to just focus on my family, and especially my kid, over the Holiday Season. With all the changes that have happened to us, I wanted to make sure she felt like she had my complete focus.

    When I did have time for myself, I read. This year for Christmas, my wife got me the novel “Transit” by Rachel Cusk. I have wanted this book for some time and placed it on list of books I would like. In all honesty, I think it was near the bottom of the list, but I was thrilled to receive it as a gift. I read the book in four days; that’s how much I enjoyed.

    But I am not here today to talk about that novel, or my opinion of it.

    I am here to admit that in 2018, I only read two books; “Transit,” and “Come as You Are: The Story of Nirvana.” I started reading half a dozen books this past year, but I only completed reading two.

    It’s a little shameful to admit that, but as we enter a new year, I think honesty is of the top order.

    I made this self-discovery as soon as I finished “Transit.” As I closed that volume, I thought about what I should read next… and that’s when I remembered about the box, which I still haven’t unpacked, that contains all the books that were sitting on my old desk I NYC, that I planned on finishing.

    And that’s the key; planned on, but never did. The scary thing is that I think this has been a trend for the past few years.

    As I start this new year, not that I really consider this a resolution, I need to read more than two books.

    Let’s see if I can do three.