Author: Matthew Groff

  • Planning on Writing

    Things aren’t working out the way I had planned, which is the theme of 2020, right? I have been trying to take advantage of being unemployed and being a stay at home parent/homeschool teacher, by fitting in more writing, and looking for ways to take it more seriously, and possibly making this a career.

    What I have run into the past two months is that consistently getting one to two hours a day to write is not likely. I have found myself in more of a feast of famine situation; either no time, or an abundance of time. Now, when the abundance of does show up, it’s like sensory overload, and I don’t know where to begin. (I found myself in this situation yesterday, and I got nothing accomplished as I was trying to figure where I had left off on different projects.)

    Funny, but I have received this advice before, and I think I even wrote about it, but I still have not really digested it, to make it my own. A writer buddy who has two kids, told me that he tries to use every moment he is free to work. Riding the subway, early in the morning, late at night, nap time. He travels with a notebook, and when he sees that he is free, he just starts working.

    For me, there is a step missing, which is I have to prioritize and plan, which makes writing more like work than an art. I was able to do this in my professional theatre career, so why am I not translating this to writing? I’m a planner, and need to organize better. I think I need to project manage myself. Leaving myself to be caught by inspiration is not working. I need to set out what I am working on, goals are, and have an honest accounting of why I did or did not make my goal.

    Still learning here.

  • Oops… No Writing Yesterday

    I didn’t meet my goal yesterday, which was writing. I was able to journal, but I didn’t complete a blog, nor did I work on any fiction.

    But I spent a huge amount of time with my kid. We made chicken stock in the morning, and read books together in the afternoon. We were able to go to the playground, and draw pictures together while drinking hot chocolate. In the evening, we made dinner, and watched “Star Wars.” It was a very fulfilling day.

    Being locked at home al the time, I get in my head that I should be making huge strides, and racking up enormous word counts daily. And maybe I should if I want to have a career.

    But I don’t want to miss this time with my daughter. I mean, I’m teaching her to read. Helping her sound out words and become confident with her ability to learn. It really is a gift to be with her at this time, and to learn how learning works.

  • Covid-ness is Everywhere

    The world is getting sicker, but a vaccine is on the way. There is a light at the end of this tunnel, but this tunnel has a long way to go. The infection rate is slowing going up in the City, but the bars/restaurants will remain open, and the schools will be back starting on December 7th. If we can make it through the winter and the spring, then we just might have a summer to look forward to.

    And this is the conversation that is happening in my home. Things are awful, BUT they will get better. We have been saying that for nine months. Yesterday, I ended with how we are getting tired of living in a lockdown. Not that I am going to break it, or stop wearing a mask… I’m just tired.

    The kid just this morning said that she was ok with remote learning if it needs to happen. I know she was giving a mature answer, which was she understood that this was the sacrifice she needs to make to keep other people safe, but it did feel just a little like she had given up.

    My wife’s boss told her that she should plan on working remote for at least the first two quarters of 2021, and most likely the 3rd as well. This news felt like a punch in the gut.

    Even if the kid goes back to class “like normal” in September 2021, I don’t know if there will be any work in the arts.

    Covid has stained so much in our lives, and looks like it will for almost another year.

    Trying to stay upbeat here.

  • After Thanksgiving

    So… I over did it. Yup, we made too much food, and I have been eating leftovers for four days now. I don’t want to step on a scale, as I know it will only tell me a story that I don’t want to hear. I know, I know. I’ll get back to working out in… January.

    This year, as everything has gone to hell, and we had to rethink everything, and we had a bubble Thanksgiving. We got Covid tests, and quarantined for a week so we could spend time with friends and their kid. We all had a great time together, and it was nice to spend time around people again.

    Now, we did what we thought was the right thing, and tried to be as responsible and cautious as possible. But, there still was a little nagging thought in the back of my mind that we shouldn’t be doing this. That the “right” thing to do was to not see anybody. New York’s positivity rate is closing in on 4%, which compared to other parts of the country is nothing. Then again, I remember April and May in this City, when people were moving out and ambulances were running day and night.

    I am very confidant that we all behaved correctly with our given situation. And sadly, I can admit that, we are all getting tired of living in a lock down. The right thing to do is never easy.

  • Thanksgiving

    2020 has been a shit filled dumpster on fire, floating down a river.

    And for my family, we have had a tough three years for that matter. Moves, job loss, pandemic, family tragedy, the 2020 election, but we are still here. We are still planning for tomorrow, still dreaming, still trying to make life better for our kid.

    My Grandma used to tell me, “You gotta have goals. Gotta have something to look forward to.” The wife and I have latched onto that idea; working toward something. Not that we think that everything will go back to normal, or that in three months everything will be better. We just know that we are working toward a better someday, and that’s about as realistic as we can get.

    And in that sense, there have been a few good things. I have spent so much great quality time with my daughter. I am watching her learn how to read, and write her first sentences, and see that spark of learning in her eye. That’s something real, and honest, and wonderful to experience. In this year, I have been able to rekindle my love of writing, and the creative process. Also in this year of insanity, I have watched my wife take on more than she thought she was capable of, and come out on the other end more confidant and successful. I am amazed by her. I feel that we still do make a great team, and I think I love her more than the day I told her I loved her on 14th street in front of Trader Joe’s way back in 2007.

    This was not a great year, but I still have my family who is healthy, my great friends who I miss and can’t wait to see again, and I still have my hope in things getting better.

    Happy Thanksgiving Everybody