Author: Matthew Groff

  • ODDS and ENDS: William Holden Essay, Ted Lasso Season 2, and House in the Country

    “ODDS and ENDS” is my continuing series of random thoughts and follow ups…

    This morning when I was sitting in the car waiting for the street sweeper (No, this is not about parking in NYC) I read this really good essay in today’s NYTimes. It is called, “The Many Deaths of William Taught Me How To Be Anxious,” by Alexander Aciman. It made me laugh out loud, and I could identify with trying to raise a kid, and make her aware of the dangers around her, without trying to scare her. What it also reminded me of was, towards the end of summer, a particular awful thunderstorm rolled through the City. Hell, it might have been the one that caused all the flooding. Anyway, in the morning, I was walking the kid to the local park, and as we passed a row of trees, I heard this great crunching and crashing sound. I grabbed the kid’s hand, and we took off running, and what collapsed behind us was a huge tree branch, that I am sure if it landed on us would have caused serious injuries. I tried to explain the danger to the kid, but she just thought it was fun. So, I understand creating an avatar of many deaths.

    I have started watching Ted Lasso, Season 2. It started out uneven, but seems to have righted itself. I mean, nothing can be as magical as that first season, but I am enjoying the characters and what conflict and growth can be brought to them. I was supposed to wait for my wife, but I know full well I will watch it all over again. It’s like watching a Marvel Movie; each episode is packed full of little details that are fun to discover.

    I have set a few goals for myself. Some I have achieved, others I’m still a million miles from. Yesterday, I said one out loud, and I think I mean it. I want to buy an old farm house, in upstate New York. And I mean, like a real old farm house; three bedrooms, one bath, and a root cellar – that kind of thing. It’s the first time in three years that I said that I want to leave New York City. I mean, it has to be good for the kid, as there is no point in moving to the middle of the woods if the schools suck and she has no friends. But, I have no idea how to achieve this, but I don’t see why that’s a barrier.

  • Short Story Review: “Hello, Goodbye” by Yiyun Li

    (The short story “Hello, Goodbye” by Yiyun Li was featured in the November 15th, 2021 issue of The New Yorker.)

    Getting old sucks, but having old friends makes it tolerable. Boom! That sums up “Hello, Goodbye” by Yiyun Li. I am being a little turdy right now in my review, as this is a story, I thought I would like, and I don’t think I like it, but as I’m writing this, I think I do like it. I’m very conflicted, and there is a good chance that was the point.

    Li’s story revolves around two old friends who met at Berkley, and live in Silicon Valley/Bay Area. Nina is married to a pediatric dentist with two tween/teenaged daughters. Nina’s best friend Katie is in the process of divorcing her much older and very rich husband. As this story takes places in the time of Covid, Katie moves in with Nina’s family, and reflections ensue. Mainly, teenagers think they know more than their parents, and the parents reflect on how right and yet wrong that is. Also, how some people live for contentment, while other people live for experience. Contentment might be an emotional plateau of stability; experience brings the excitement of the highs and the depression of the lows with everything else being forgotten.

    See! I should like this. It is totally up my alley as these are the conversations, I am having with my friends of twenty plus years.

    But something stuck in my craw with this story. (It could be that the title of this story is the same as a very famous Beatles song.) And I think it might come down to sticking the landing of the piece. The story did have a tinge of melancholy of the past without dipping into misplaced reverent nostalgia. Li created ideas and images that I identified with, and enjoyed. SO, I think my unease is purely academic. I can’t identify the climax, and the resolution feels too easy.

    It’s too bad, as I would like to see what Nina and Katie do next in their friendship and their lives.

  • I Bought Bitcoin

    Did you know that you can buy Bitcoin through Venmo? If you didn’t know, now you know. I thought it was a scam at first. I mean, Bitcoin sells for like $60k a share, and I clearly don’t have that much money to throw around. I also know that Venmo really isn’t selling shares. I think it’s more like renting shares.

    Anyway, I was checking on my Venmo account, which I rarely use. Before the pandemic, when I would go out with friends and have to split a check, that’s when I would use it. And for the fantasy football league that I play in. So, I was checking the account, and I saw that I had forgot that I have $35 in it.

    What to do?

    Now, I am not endorsing buying Bitcoin through Venmo, but I bought Bitcoin through Venmo. Currently, I have made three dollars.

    And it still feels like a scam. I do know how cryptocurrency works, so please don’t explain it to me. In a philosophical sense, anything can have value, and this is a thing, and people say it has value. Maybe it’s the Tulip Crazy all over again, or the Roaring Twenties, or whatever.

    I find it odd that I have purchased something that can make me money, but is not physical. I feel like I have purchased a belief in something. The Ethereal Value.

    It’s conceivable that in one year, I could have $300 of value. And then a year after that, $3,000 of value.

    And it’s also conceivable that someone could say, “It’s just a tulip,” and it all goes away.

    But as of right now, I can go and buy a good cup of coffee.  

  • That Song Triggers That Memory

    I went grocery shopping this morning. It is one of the rare moments in my week where I can listen to music uninterrupted. I take the subway down to the Trader Joe’s on 93rd, and there is a little bit of a walk. Early in the morning, after the kids are in school, and people have left for work, there aren’t many folks on the street, so I can jam out to my music; I can get it.

    And as I was riding the subway home with my bags, my playlist randomly gave me “Bye Bye Love,” by The Cars. I have heard this song since forever, and its hints of unrequited love made it such a wonderful juxtaposition of a song, contrasting with its upbeat rock tempo.

    Not sure why, but I added it to a playlist in mid 2018, and listened to it quite heavily. In September 2018, I was visiting a friend from college and her husband in a rather cool Brooklyn apartment that was in a walkup building, and they had access to a rooftop garden. That kind’a cool apartment, you know? We were drinking, a lot, and started playing a game of finding videos and concerts on YouTube of songs we loved. I picked “Bye Bye Love,” from a club concerts The Cars played in 1979. I liked it, but not sure if it played well in the room.

    But the memory of what I was feeling in that moment is still attached with that song. I felt lonely, because my wife and daughter were 3,000 miles away in California. I felt paralyzed as I was supposed to be packing up our apartment for our move to California, but I couldn’t get myself to do it. I was about to start rehearsals for what would be the last show I worked on, which had me excited to see my friends who I love and I am amazed by. And I couldn’t shake the feeling of doom, as my mother had cancer, and I knew she wouldn’t recover.

    My college friend lost her father when she was younger, and I knew if there was a friend who could understand what I was feeling, it would be her. And I think of her as one of my close friends, but I couldn’t talk about it. I just lied. I said it was looking better, and we have to believe in hope, and all that stuff. But I didn’t mean it. I said the thing I thought was expected. I didn’t tell the truth.

    I don’t hate listening to “Bye Bye Love,” or The Cars. Sometimes that memory and feeling doesn’t settle over me when I hear it. Some days, I’m okay when I think of my mother’s passing. And then one day, I hear a song, and it all comes back to me while on a B train, heading uptown.

  • Site Update, and What Am I Doing?

    After I posted the ODDS and ENDS blog on Friday, I decided that it was time to start monkeying around with the blog site. The old site was just the blog, and an ABOUT page. It was more basic than basic, and thinking back to when I originally started this blog, I wasn’t too concerned about how things looked. But, being that I am blogging twenty times a month now, and on some days have four views, I decided that I needed to step up my game. Hence, the new:

    matthewgroffblog.wordpress.com

    I have a Home page now, as well as an updated About page. There is a dedicated Blog page, which I will talk about more later. I created a page specific for The ALGOT Blogs, which are my most popular posts, and now the three-part story is in one location. (Also, Ikea discontinued the ALGOT line of products, in case you haven’t heard.) Last, there is the Archive page, so you know, you can read my progress as a blogger.

    And the Blog itself. I decided that it was time to drop the “250 Word” theme. I don’t think the four of you that were reading this were here because of the concise word format I chose to use. The original idea was to train myself to write effectively, while using the fewest words as possible. Not sure if I have attained that skill, but I have started to move away from the idea that I need only write 250 words.

    The last thought that I had, as I was finishing up the site on Sunday night, was should I bite the bullet and buy the domain, and stop using the free WordPress.com site? That question raised some other questions that I haven’t answered yet, but am still thinking about. Spending money on this site is like saying that I am taking it seriously now, so am I serious about this? I have been doing this for a year, going from one view to four views on average, so what do I hope to achieve with the purchase? I’m not setting the world on fire here, so what’s the point?

    The point? For me, I’m a stay at home parent now. I take care of my family, especially my daughter, and I need a creative outlet. I need something that I can work on, look forward to, that is for me. I need to do something that validates my existence in this very strange and odd world that I live in. So… Do I need to pay to attain that?