Author: Matthew Groff

  • Shopping Doesn’t Solve All Problems

    I know that I am writing this on Cyber-Monday, and full disclosure, I have purchased an item on Amazon for my daughter. Our Christmas shopping is almost done, and the wife and I are taking advantage of the sales. These purchases are just little add on’s, and we are staying within budget. We’re being good and responsible.

    But I bring up this “shopping” observation not to shit on capitalism or commercialism. I am saying “shopping doesn’t solve all problem” because this past Sunday, on the morning political shows, pundits, on both sides, were saying that the way out of our national problems is for “normal people” to just “go shopping.”

    I’m sorry, but that answer, that America should just go shopping to solve all its problems, has be thrown around for at least twenty-one years, and it hasn’t solved anything. After 9/11, Bush said we should all go shopping. The Great Recession, Obama said go shopping. The Pandemic, Trump said go shopping. Now with supply chain issues, again they all say go shopping.

    During the Great Depression, FDR wasn’t telling America to shop their way out it.

    How did we get to the point where people spending money on things, which they don’t need, was the answer to everything?

    Buying a tv doesn’t make rents affordable. A new iPad doesn’t lower health care costs. A new coat won’t make your productivity match your compensation.

    Shopping only keeps things the way they are; basically, treading water. There are systemic issues that have been building in our national economy for the past forty years, and a robust Holiday shopping season won’t solve it.

    So, when I hear a pundit say that we should shop more to get the economy going, then that person is an idiot going for the sound bite, and not a real answer.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Tottenham Red Flag, Cowboys Red Flag, and Sondheim

    ODDS and ENDS is my continuing series of random thoughts and follow ups…

    So, on Thanksgiving Day, as we were preparing our meal, I was able to sneak in and watch Tottenham play Mura in the Europa Conference. The match started out awful with the Spurs giving up a goal in the 11th minute, and then a red card left them down a player. But, finally, Harry Kane showed up and secured an equalizer, and it looked like Tottenham might just squeak by. And then, they gave up a goal in stoppage time, and well… First of all, credit to Mura for playing like their lives depended on it. As for Tottenham… same old problem; they just can’t get out of their own way, nor play solid for the last ten minutes of a match. I fear that the rest of this season will be an act of long suffering.

    Later in the day I moved on to the Cowboy against the Raiders, and though it was an exciting game, I am starting to get worried about Dallas. Las Vegas is a good team, and I didn’t expect it to be an easy, but right now, Dallas is just lost when they play a good team. Dak is struggling, and it’s like Elliot just can’t run anymore. Maybe it’s the offensive line’s fault, but sure isn’t the defenses’ fault. Dallas has six games left, and they only play one team with a winning record, so the odds that they will end the season 12-5 is very high. But when it comes to the playoffs, I don’t think they will make it out of the first round.

    And then there is Sondheim. First, I had no idea he was 91. I thought he was like 75. Second, I’m not going to say anything more profound than the outpouring of comments from his friends, and fans. But what I would like to say is what I find so impressive about him is that he inspired so many people to try their hand at writing a musical. Sure, having a huge body of work is impressive, and an amazing achievement, but I think inspiring people is more impressive, and important. Writing a musical is damn near impossible, and getting one made is even harder. Having lived here in New York, I have met so many people who have moved here to compose their musical. Sondheim’s name always showed up on their list of influential people, and then they would tell me this story of listening to the cast recording of one of his shows, which made them say, “I want to do that.” That, to me, is an impressive testament to his legacy.

  • The Thanksgiving Blog

    When it comes to prepping for Thanksgiving, we have our own family tradition, which is me running around like a madman on the final days leading up to the meal, trying to get the last of everything. The first year I did this, in 2006, it was snowing as I ran around Harlem on Thanksgiving Day, looking for a place that would sell cooking twine. (I found it at a dollar store.) This week has been no different, and it’s kept my mind off other things, which is good.

    This morning I had to head out to Whole Foods on Lenox and 125th. It is only a 15-minute walk from our apartment, and today I felt like I should take my time and not rush. I have been scurrying all week, and that hasn’t been making me feel better so I thought, taking it easy, and looking around might be worth a shot.

    And I did. I walked along 126th, and went by the stage door for the Apollo Theater, and wonder what crazy shit has happened at that spot. That took me to the Alhambra Ballroom, which was a venue that Dizzy, Monk, Coltrane all played at one point. When I was on the northwest corner of Lenox and 125th, I thought about how Lou Reed sang about buying drugs on this corner. Now, it has a Whole Food and a CVS. A lot can change in 50 years.

    Heading home, I walked along 123rd to look at the brownstones, and I thought about the family gatherings that were underway, or about to begin. With the exception of three, me and the wife have spent every Thanksgiving in Harlem. It really is a wonderful neighborhood, this little corner of Manhattan which we have made our home, and started a family in. Nothing feels like home, and it was good to remind myself of that.

    This will most likely be it from me for this week. I don’t plan on putting a blog up tomorrow, and it really depends on how I feel on Friday, but odds are I won’t. So, as we all celebrate tomorrow, I hope that you all have a good and Happy Thanksgiving!

  • Nighttime, My Brain Won’t Shut Off

    I went through a brief period where I was sleeping okay, but now I have returned to not sleeping. I get about five hours of sleep a night. I have cut out snacking, screen time, and nightcaps, but it really doesn’t help. What also doesn’t help is that PLUTO TV has an MST3k channel, but late at night they do show “Manhunt in Space” and “The Wild Wild World of Batgirl,” way too often, which, even for MST3k, are pretty unwatchable episodes. Anyway, I have tried melatonin, and that can help me get to sleep for a couple of hours, but then I will make up again.

    I’m having trouble shutting off my mind. I have tried several different tricks, but nothing is really working. I’m good in the day time; I can stay upbeat and focused, get my work done and support the family. But once I start getting ready for bed, all the doubts and regrets, and fears come alive. To be honest, I cannot remember the last time I had a solid good night’s sleep, but I know at one point I did. All of this leads to the feeling of malaise, and the phrase that I keep saying to myself that, “I haven’t been myself in a long time.”

    In my mind, I feel like I have been this way for three years, but just know when I looked at a calendar, I realize that I have been saying this for three year, so in actuality, it’s been six years. Maybe five. I didn’t start not feeling myself over night, but I did feel myself being pulled away from who I am back then.

    I took a job that I was qualified for, but didn’t want to do, and they paid me too much money to do it. I take responsibility for my actions, and in the short run it helped out my family get out of a financial hole, but in the end, I got good at something that I didn’t like doing. (I was warned not to do that in college.) And I haven’t forgiven myself for that. I feel it was that decision that has led me to where I am sitting right now.

    I wish I was one of those people who could let things go, be a goldfish, but I’m not.

    Well… I’m not right now.

    Even as I write this, I feel very edgy, that even tapping a finger on the memories of the past six years will send me down a spiral of negative thoughts, that I won’t be able to pull myself out of.

    Because all of my emotional roads lead back, not to that job, but losing my mother. That happened in the middle of everything, and it’s, just, derailed me.

    Now, I’m not sure what I need do to deal with all of this, but what I think I should do is just keep trying to find a creative way to channel these emotions. And I do, with this, and all the other things I try.

    But, I would really like to sleep at night.

  • Sunday Night Blues

    There are many milestones that we have hit in my young daughter’s life. The vast majority of them are fun and exciting, like Christmas morning, or learning to read.

    And then there was last night, Sunday night, where the kid got very cranky and withdrawn, which is not like her. The wife and I both took turns trying to get out of her, what the problem was. Finally she admitted that she hates Sunday Night’s because the weekend if over.

    Ahhh… The Sunday Night Blues; when one gets the sinking feeling in their stomach that the fun of the weekend is over and they have to return to work/school.

    I was a little surprised because the kid loves school. One of the side effects of the pandemic in our household has been a very strong desire of our daughter to be in a school, surrounded by kids, teachers, and the ability to learn. So, to hear her express her own version of the Sunday Blues was a little sad for me. But I also know it was inevitable.

    I hated Sunday nights for a very long time. I remember being little, eating Sunday dinner, and then watching 60 Minutes, and Murder, She Wrote, and that feeling slowly creeping over me that the good times of the weekend were coming to an end. That I would have to go back to school, and deal with fractions, and remainders, and bullies, and girls, and bus rides and all of that stuff that worried me as a kid. Even as an adult, I would still try and stay up as late as possible on Sunday night, avoiding going to bed, knowing it was a fruitless exercise, that I would still have to sit through passive aggressive staff meetings the next day.

    Sunday nights are still a little weird for me in this new reality. I may not have to go to an office full of assholes, which is clearly a plus, but there is a routine of the week which starts over again, and I have responsibilities to keep. But I don’t dread Monday. Dreading the next day is the worst.

    Now that this milestone has arisen for my daughter, I now wish it would have been kept at bay for a while longer. It’s normal to be a little sad when the fun comes to an end. I just hope I can help the kid to keep looking forward to tomorrow.