Author: Matthew Groff

  • Short Story Review: “Lu, Reshaping” by Madeleine Thien

    (The short story, “Lu, Reshaping” by Madeline Thien appeared in the December 20th, 2021 issue of The New Yorker.)

    Over the past year, I have been asking myself, why do I like short stories so much? I would rather read a short story collection than a novel. I think it is a very challenging form of storytelling that fails more than it succeeds. For a writer to make a reader care about a story in a thousand or so words is impressive. To make a reader identify with a character is the same space of words, well, that’s impressive.

    “Lu, Reshaping” by Madeline Thien is a story about a character going through a midlife crisis, and I am not being flippant with that description. As a white male entering the early stages of midlife, these stories have a certain appeal to me. (In fact, I would dare argue that there is a whole unidentified genre in literature of novels about white men going through a midlife crisis, which normally involve affairs, children and/or a spouse who no longer understands, and ends with a death.) I feel like Thien took all of those midlife crisis tropes, and with her character Lu, feed them in and created a different but also familiar result.

    I don’t want to give anything away with how the plot unfolds, because of the language that Thien uses to describe situations, and also Lu’s use of phrases from Cantonese that are translated into English. I loved the words that were crafted for this story, and how they transferred the feeling of loneliness, of life passing you by, and questioning the decisions one has made, and that search for happiness, however fleeting, but also being adult enough to know that momentary pleasure should be let go, and not thought about again.

    Lu is not like me. She is a woman, immigrant from Hong Kong, English is not her first language, she is a mother, working a corporate job in, what I think is, Vancouver, and in a marriage that is not fulfilling. But, I could understand where she was coming from, what she was feeling, and how she viewed life. I was especially taken by a sentence in the last paragraph:

    One day, you were an immigrant, loaded down with inexplicable shame; the next you were middle-aged, a mother, and all the risks you’d taken – to live freely, to not be subdued – also made you feel ashamed, as if you’d done nothing but kick tangerines around.

    I understood where Lu was in her life. How ramifications from past decisions can shape how we evolve to the next version of ourselves, even though some emotions never ever leave us, no matter how much we change. All of that is a few words.

  • Kid Vaxed

    Today is the day that our kid gets their first dose of the Covid vaccine. We have waited for this day since March of 2020. I know that we are still a long way from no masks, but this will allow us to take a deep breath and relax.

    Once the second does is taken, we can go back to a restaurant as a family, or go to a movie. This will allow the kid to be outside without a mask on. And then there are playdates and maybe even sleepovers again.

    But most importantly, if for some reason one of us does become sick, all the other members of the home are now safe.

    The interesting thing that I have learned recently, is that my daughter will be in the minority when it comes to kids vaxed in her classroom. I knew that there would be parents that wouldn’t want to have their kids vaxed, and I know some that want to wait and see how things are in six months, and then get it. I thought the breakdown to vax v. not-vax would be 50/50, but it’s closer to 2/3 not vaxed. That did surprise me.

    Look, I’m going into this situation by trusting that other parents are making the best decisions for their family, also meaning that I trust that they are being responsible parents. I have seen no evidence that leads me to believe otherwise.

    Here is the interesting thing that I have noticed about this information, or at least when I share that information with friends. My more liberal friends think the parents that aren’t letting their kids get vaxed are MAGA-Trumpers, and my conservative friends think the exact same thing. I am pretty sure, like 99% sure, that the parents who aren’t letting their kids get vaxed do not support, nor did they vote, for Trump. When I try to explain that politics really isn’t playing a part in these family’s decision, my friends, on both sides, really don’t believe me. They think that not get a kid vaxed is a political decision. That there can be no other explanation.

    I don’t know why these parents aren’t vaxing their kids, because they haven’t shared it with me, and I’m not going to ask. I’m going to continue to respect other people’s family’s and the decisions that they make.

    My choice is to vax my kid.

  • Missing the Joy of the Holidays

    I have been trying to get in a Christmas mood, but it just isn’t taking. It’s a bit easier when the kid is around, but I think every parent would give that answer. We have done all the things that we normally do. We have decorated, made cookies, and gone out shopping. We have watched Christmas movies, wrapped gifts, and made our plans for Christmas-Eve.

    But it’s still not taking.

    Last year was weird, don’t get me wrong. The first Christmas under Covid wasn’t great, but it did feel a little like we were stealing a piece of normal back. That, out of all the awful changes, this was one old thing that was good to be doing. I think it also helped that Trump lost the election, and the first vaccines were going out, which made it feel like the world was getting better.

    I did think that by the time we hit December 2021, that we would be putting Covid behind us, the kid would have a vaccine, and no more masks. That’ll teach me to be optimistic.

    But, I don’t think I want to be a person that stops being optimistic. That today can still be a good day, and tomorrow can be even better. That I don’t have the answers but I know it will work out.

    It’s the old theatre adage; A shitty dress rehearsal makes for a great opening night. Today might be bad, but tomorrow it will all come together.

    Anyway, kind’a got off subject there. I was talking about Christmas and the Holidays.

    Let’s focus on the positive, as that is what I tell the kid to do.

    We are going to see a movie in a theatre this year. We’ll get lobster rolls on Christmas Eve, and Mom and Dad will toast a martini, though it might be a bourbon this year. Christmas coffee cake will be made, and the kid will not be able to sleep, anticipating Christmas morning.

    And we’ll be together. Which is what really counts.

  • Having a Family

    I didn’t always want to be a parent. At first, it felt like something that I had to do, or was inventible. And then when I went away to college, I started to think that being a parent wasn’t for me. The fact that I wanted to go into the arts made me feel like I couldn’t be counted on to provide. And then I met my wife, who was open with me, that one day she would want to be a mother. Not that it had to be with me, or that we had to agree on it right now, but it was important to her. I did come around to wanting to become a father, and a parent with her. Not that it didn’t scare the shit out of me, and still does, but the change was that I wanted to do it, even though it was scary.

    I think there is a big difference in wanting to do something and it scares you, and that thing scares me and I don’t want to do it.

    That is also why I am completely understanding people who don’t want to have kids for that reason; I don’t want to do it. If you have taken the time to search your soul, and that is the answer you came up with, Great! And if you have never spent any time thinking about it, and that is also you’re conclusion, Super Great!

    Because we all know the horrible truth of this world; there are people out there who should not be parents, or they became parents for the wrong reasons. And in those situations, the kids are the ones who sufferer, and for no fault of their own.

    Yes, I know there are people out there that learned to love being a parent, but that’s an awful gamble with a kid’s wellbeing.

    I say all of this because, it was a hard-parenting weekend with my daughter. Arguments, and tears, and misunderstandings, and some pretty selfish behavior. It was not fun. What it was, was a whole lotta work. And come this morning, I was tired, and sore for some reason.

    But then, I walked the kid to school, and she asked me if we could play Legos this afternoon, and listen to music.

    And not that it made up for the difficult weekend, but it reminded me of why I wanted to be a parent. Even though it is scary as shit.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Power Point That Coup, BIRDS AREN’T REAL, Collar of Shame, and Libraries

    ODDS and ENDS is my continuing series of random thoughts and follow ups…

    Note to self: When planning a coup, don’t use Power Point. Also note to self: When planning a coup, don’t hire people that I need to use Power Point to explain how the coup works.

    This article was awesome, because BIRDS AREN’T REAL. Absurdist humor makes me very happy, even if it doesn’t make me laugh out loud.

    My dog has a cone collar now, or at least for the next six days. There is this red bump that is at the corner of her right eye, and it is as ugly as it sounds. The collar is humiliating for all of us, but let’s be honest, the dog has it the worst. Right now, she is veering between whimpering for sympathy, and outright hostility toward us. We need her to not scratch at the bump, and at the same time, apply an ointment to the bump twice a day. I have no issue doing this, as I love the dog, and want her to be healthy. And at the same time, it is still funny to see my compassion and affection for this animal on full display in our apartment for the next week. I will let this dog bite and growl at me twice a day, and I will keep my voice in the gentlest of tones.

    This past summer, I decided that it was time for the kid to get her library card. Down the street from us is a branch of the New York Public Library, which makes it easy to visit often. Over the summer and start of the school year, we would go and check out books on subjects that the kid was interested in. I would also get some early reader books, so we can keep working on that skill. The Liberians there are great. Always friendly, and patient with questions, as my daughter has lots of questions. The kid tells me she likes going to the library, and I think she’s being honest with me, and not telling me what I want to hear. I want to build a love of reading and for books in her, but also don’t want to come across too heavy handed, thus turning her off to it. I mean, I won’t know the result of this project for many years. I just have to hope that I am building a good foundation for her.