Author: Matthew Groff

  • The Selfish Act of Parenting

    I’ve had a rough couple of years. From my mother’s death, moves, career changes, and a pandemic, it’s been a lot. On the whole, I’m good, but like everyone of late, I do have rough days, where I do despair and wonder, what am I doing with my life?

    One of the things I tell myself, or remind myself is more accurate, is a question I was asked a while ago from a good friend; Why can’t your purpose be to become the best father that you can be? Let that guide you, and everything else will fall in line to that.

    Like I said, I have to remind myself of that. And I can fully admit that a mess up often as a father. I do my best, I’m not perfect, but I hope that raising a daughter who knows she loved and supported in what she does will go a long way in helping her become a strong and independent woman.

    I thought about that this morning as I was making breakfast for the kid, and we talked about what we would do on this first day of Summer vacation. And then I thought about the selfless act of being a parent… But is it selfless?

    Follow me on this; if by choosing to be the best father I can be is to give myself a purpose, then isn’t the quality parenting that my daughter receives just a positive side effect of a selfish act? I’m not choosing to be a good parent strictly to be a good parent, but if by choosing to be a good father to my kid makes me feel like a good person, than aren’t I putting myself first?

    I can admit that these thoughts are a “Chicken or the Egg” quandary. Does it really matter who gets put first if the end result is that the child receives quality parenting?

    Do I have too much time on my hands, and thus think about details that have no effect on the whole?

    That’s all possible.

    (Oh, and if you like what you read, please take a second to like, share, or leave a comment.)

  • I Finished “Breakfast of Champions”

    When I first read Vonnegut’s “Breakfast of Champions or Goodbye Blue Monday” I think I was nineteen or twenty. I was eating up just about everything the guy wrote. I remember loving the book so much that I tried to push it off on just about anyone who would listen. My best friend latched on to the book just like I did, and we still will state that “BoC” is our favorite Vonnegut novel.

    I read the book only once, or, at least I have no memory of reading it a second time. I say this because I recently re-read “BoC”, as I am going through all the books that I feel influenced me to want to become a writer. What I remember about the book is that it played with structure, and storytelling. I remember Vonnegut putting himself in his own book, and I thought that was such an interesting choice as I felt that part of the reason for the book was Kurt dealing with his own mental issues and his anxiety over having these issues, just like his mother had.

    Having just reread the book, I had totally forgotten have much the novel deals with racism. I mean, I remembered that some of the characters said some racist shit, but when I was reading the book again, I see that Vonnegut was full force attacking the image of Heartland Midwestern good honest Americans, by saying that these people were just as racist and bigoted as the people in “down south.” It felt like a contempt, a deep contempt for the people that Vonnegut grew up with in Indiana, and America on a whole. There were some things that were very dated from the early 70’s, but Vonnegut’s take on embedded racism, still felt very current. The novel is a dark satire, and at some points felt very nihilistic, yet Kurt’s writing still was hilarious and fast paced.

    And then I started to wonder why I had forgotten about all of the racism? Why had that not resonated, and stuck with me? I know that I am getting older, and the last time I read the book was 25 years ago, so I’m not surprised that I don’t remember all the details. But, if you asked me a month ago what “BoC” was a bout, I would have told you mental health, and I would have been very confident in that answer. I don’t think I would have actively tried to forget that the book was about racism, yet I did forget about it.

    There really isn’t an answer here, just an observation on myself. Just a reading machine who is trying to be a thinking machine.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Dancing Bears on the Supreme Court, Well…, and Obi-Wan Kenobi

    (Guns have more Rights than Women)

    Yup, I’m pretty sick to my stomach and also really pissed off. Roe was overturned, and I know that no one is surprised by this. Thomas, Roberts, Alito, Gorsuch, Kavanaugh, and Barrett only got on the Supreme Court to do exactly this. They were all groomed, and supported by Conservative think tanks and non-profits to reach this decision. They all lied and were coy about the idea of “weighing the case on its merits” when in reality we all knew the fix was in. This was a rigged outcome. And they know it as well. There was only one way each of them was going to get on the Court, and that was promising to deliver this when the time came. The time came, the music started, and these six dancing circus bears did their jig. Just like they had been trained to do.

    Fuck

    I watched Obi-Wan Kenobi, and I have mixed feeling about it. I liked it. I mean, it was better than The Book of Boba Fett which started strong and then just went flaccid. Obi-Wan did have one donkey of an episode, Part IV, that almost derailed me from the series. What kept pulling me back was nostalgia and Ewan McGregor. I say nostalgia because I have been thinking about this situation, Obi-Wan sitting in the desert of Tatooine looking out for Luke, since I was a kid. I had all kinds of ideas of the adventures that Obi-Wan had, protecting Luke while trying to stay in hiding, helping the Rebellion, etc.… I am old enough now to know that nothing will beat my imagination and excitement I had when I was 10 years old playing with my STAR WARS toys. But, I still like to see if someone else can come up with something new, that might inspire some wonder in me. Then there is Ewan McGregor, who has been one of my favorite actors since I first saw him in Trainspotting. I like the fact that, as an actor, he has had a career of playing so many different types of characters, moving easily between big budget movies and small independent films. When he is on screen, I want to see what his characters do. Ewan’s Obi-Wan was compelling, and I enjoyed watching the character regain his confidence and faith in himself through the story. I thought the series started strong and ended strong, but as I said before, the middle was a bit of a slog as it all felt too easy for the characters to succeed. That having been said, if they make a second season, yes, I will watch it. Cause I can’t say no to Ewan.

  • SCOTUS and VOTING

    With the January 6th Hearings, and the SCOTUS rulings, this is the reminder that we all need to vote.

    We are now living in the consequences of the 2016 election. Trump got to put three justices on the Court, and we are now watching our right s and protection get stripped away. Miranda got gutted, and you can carry a gun anywhere now, and I have a good feeling Roe will be overturned tomorrow.

    VOTE VOTE VOTE!

    When I was a little kid, I always felt that I was so lucky to be born an American. We aren’t a perfect people, and as a nation we have made a lotta mistakes, but I always felt in my gut that we, all Americans, believed in justice for all.

    I see now that this belief was a hope, and not guaranteed for any of us.

    We must vote, but we must also, as Frederick Douglass said, agitate!

    Agitate! Agitate! Agitate!

    Agitate for justice in the country.

  • Short Story Review: “Mitzvah” by Etgar Keret

    (The short story “Mitzvah” by Etgar Keret appeared in the June 27th, 2022 issue of The New Yorker.)

    Illustration by Jason Fulford and Tamara Shopsin

    (Heads up! SPOILERS!)

    Well… “Mitzvah” was a very short story. I know that Etgar Keret is famous for his very short short stories, and this is one of them, alright. I understand his popularity. His writing is sharp, even crisp, and direct. He doesn’t fart around and gets right to the point. Sadly, I found the point predictable and the characters flat.

    We meet three characters right off the bat, who all feel like they came from the works of Irvine Welsh; the guy who had a good drug experience, the guy who wants to try and have a drug experience, and the gross guy who sells them the drugs, but who doesn’t like to think of himself as a drug dealer but is a drug dealer. Good drug guy once got high and picked up a woman tourist at the beach, and has convinced new drug guy that if he gets high he can do the same. They take their drugs and head to the beach, but along the way they are stopped by an older man in front of a synagogue. The older man is looking for one more person to have ten men for the minyan. Good drug guy says no and leaves, while new drug guy agrees to take part. The drugs kick in, and new drug guys leaves the synagogue after completing the minyan, heads to the beach, tries to pick up a girl, but her boyfriend beats him unconscious. When new drug guy comes to, the girl is sitting next to him on the beach waiting for the ambulance to arrive. New drug guy thinks that God has blessed him with the girl for completing the minyan.

    The mechanics of a well-made short story are all there. It hits all the notes that are needed to get to its climax and resolution. Yet, it still felt incomplete. I sort of want to say that the story was looking for an “O. Henry” styled twist ending, but it’s not that, but it’s not irony either. I go back to the Welsh comparison, as the story is about drugs, sex, violence, as if there is an overarching morality to it all. I just don’t know, which leads me to conclude that its intention is not clear, which left me feeling that it didn’t work.

    (You know the drill. If you enjoyed what you read, please take a moment to like, share, and/or comment.)