Author: Matthew Groff

  • Short Story Review: “Just a Little Fever” by Sheila Heti

    (The short story “Just a Little Fever” by Sheila Heti appeared in the April 18th, 2022 issue of The New Yorker.)

    How’s that line go? “Youth is wasted on the young.” I’m sure when George Bernard Shaw said it in his Irish accent, it sound sounded profound, and very witty. I know it was meant as an insult to young people, and just about every time I have heard it said, especially toward me, it has been used as a shorthand to say that I am acting irrationally and stupid. But as I have gotten older, I find the line has more regret and melancholy in it, not toward the young, but for the older person saying it.

    “Just a Little Fever” by Sheila Heti is a sweet, and charming story that grabbed me from the beginning. We meet Angela, who is youthful, and shampooing cherries into her hair, not because it was suggested to her by a friend or an article, but just because she thought of it, and wanted to try it. With her hair smelling of cherries, so goes to work as a bank teller and meets the well-dressed but older gentleman Thomas, who comes up to her window. They have a short but honest conversation, and Angela finds herself still thinking about Thomas. Angela decides to look up Thomas’ phone number from his account, and asks him out to dinner. After a little first date awkwardness, they continue to see each other, and enter into a relationship. Clearly, more happens, but I don’t want to spoil it.

    Like I said, I found myself enjoying the story from the start, but what really endeared me to it was how Heti kept layering, or maybe reveling is the better word, the deep truths and inner workings to Angela’s character. It resonated with me how Angela viewed being around people her own age, and how Thomas made her feel calm, and in the moment. How Angela had to question and test her feelings with Thomas, and how she began to see that people in her life might not be the healthiest people for her. I don’t think Heti ever overtly said that Angela was happy with Thomas, but there was that feeling coming out of the text, indescribable but apparent. When the final section started, leading to the climax and resolution, I dreaded reading it, because, not that I knew what was coming, but because what was coming was authentic to who Angela was.

    Yes, the ending frustrated me, but in the very best possible way. I found myself caring, very strongly, for these two characters. And though my experience was not exactly the same as Angela and Thomas, but I had a moment with someone once, where I was very happy to be in the middle with them. But, I too was young, and wasted my youth.

  • The Fear of Missing Out Monster

    The kid this morning told me that she wants out of the after-school program that she is in. I asked why, and she told me she doesn’t have any friends. Then she told me to not get a job so we could spend more time together, and that she play with her friends in the park. I think I know what the issue is, which comes down to that there are two classes in after-school program, and her friends from school are in the other class, and she feels like she is missing out.

    Parent me listened to her, and didn’t pass any judgement. I did remind her that she just needed to get through this week, and then she would be on Spring Break. After that, she only had eight weeks left, and then it was Summer vacation. After that, we could talk about what to do next.

    Regular me knows just what she is going through, as I can remember what it was like to be seven years old, and just wanting to be with your friends. The total and all-consuming angst of not being around them, and assuming that they have forgotten about you, and are no longer having fun. For a split second I almost told her it’s not that big of a deal, but I stopped that. It is a big deal to her. This is the first time she is experiencing something like this, and I don’t want to make her feel ashamed for feeling this way.

    I do know that my job is to help her cope and overcome these feelings, in a healthy and constructive way.

    Sadly, I don’t know if I ever learned that skill set myself. I still feel like I am missing out. That all my friends are having fun without me.

    So, I have work to do for the both of us.

  • Shared Aches and Pains (Uneditied)

    We all had a bad night of sleep. Me, the wife, and the kid. We all woke up late, and each had a different ache and pain. The kids feet hurt, the wife’s hip hurt, and I had knee and hip pain. I mean, we are all better now that we are up and moving, but this morning, man, we were all moving slow.

    Can you have communal aches and pains?

    I guess that is possible, but still seems odd.

    I know why I feel the way I do, because I stayed up too late and fell asleep on the couch, which isn’t the best place to sleep. Normally the sofa causes back pain, but every day is a new discovery. For this reason, I am skipping going to the gym.

    I have been going to the gym for nine weeks now, and the best I can tell, I have lost 6 lbs. other than that, I don’t feel better. I don’t feel that I am thinking clearer, or have a more positive attitude. What I have is a new item on my schedule, that I do four times a week. I know that they say you need to do something 90 days for it to become a habit, and I guess I am closing in on it, but I don’t seem to be getting the rewards that are claimed.

    This doesn’t mean I’m quitting. No, I need to work out to stay healthy, even if that means I’m not losing weight, or thinking clearer, or having positive attitude. I need my heart to work properly for the next thirty or so years. That’s what keeps me going. I was just hoping to lose my middle-aged man gut.

    I’ll be back tomorrow.

  • ODDS and ENDS: KBJ, Anti-Rent Protests, Tottenham, and Hiking

    (I drink coffee and know things.)

    Ketanji Brown Jackson will be on the Supreme Court. That’s a pretty big fucking deal. I like it when American institutions start looking more like America. The process was pretty disgraceful, but I want to focus on the fact that we are a step closer to getting to RBG’s dream, which was an all-woman Supreme Court. Come this Summer, there will be four women on the Court. I think the next Justice should also be a woman, and this way one of the three Branches of Government will be Woman majority. But, I do digress. What I keep thinking about is how representation matters. My daughter is seeing more women in leadership roles in the nation. And I also know, there are a bunch of little girls that are going to school today, and their teachers are going to show them a picture of Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson, and those little girls are going to see someone who looks like them, doing important and great things. That matters. That’s huge.

    I just found this out today, but in upstate New York, back in the 1840’s, there was an Anti-Rent War. It had to do with back rent being owed under the manor system that traced back to the old Dutch Colony days of New Amsterdam. Reading up on it, I had two thoughts. First, early America really didn’t like the rule of law, and took up arms pretty quick. Second, if you protest enough, you can get the law changed in your favor. Basically, people broke a 200-year-old system of land ownership and leasing because the rent was too damn high. It happened in the past, so what’s to say that it can’t happen again.

    Tottenham has found a way to get to fourth place in the Premiere League. There is no way they will catch Man City or Liverpool, but if things got really crazy, they could pass Chelsea for third by the end of the season. But, this is Tottenham we are talking about. They do have problems closing out. They need to beat Aston Villa if they want to keep ahead of Arsenal. I will say this, if the Spurs can stay up and qualify for the Champions League, there is a chance Harry Kane might stick around. Just saying.

    Anyone want to go hiking? I know I do.

  • Not Feeling It (Unedited)

    I have been looking at this computer for an hour now, and I really can’t get anything to work.

    I thought about writing about how the Baseball season starts today, but I’m just not excited about it. In fact, there are a bunch of articles out today talking about how over blown the payrolls are for the top teams, and the whole league is skewed to the big market rich clubs. There really isn’t anything I can add to that conversation other than to say people have been making that complaint since I was a kid, so not much has really changed in thirty years.

    And it is a cold rainy day, which might be adding to my inability to focus, let alone produce something. I do set my own deadline to get something about around 11am, but I don’t always make it. It’s a guideline, not rally a hard rule. The point being to get something up to at least accomplish one thing each day. Check the box, you know, so I can say I did something.

    What I really would like to do is go back to bed. I am on my third cup of coffee, and I could doze off right now if I stopped moving and closed my eyes. That sounds nice.

    But no, I have a lunch to make for my wife, and I promised myself that I would outline a new story today. Then there is some reading to catch up on, the kid to gather from school, and a dinner to make. Somewhere in there I will play UNO with the kid, as she has become quite good at it, and I want to encourage her healthy competitive side.

    Which is to say, I’m not feeling it today.

    (I even did the stupid “button” thing that lazy essay writers do. I might even throw in some puns, which smart people claim makes you sound smart, but we all know makes you sound dumb.)

    Anyway, not feeling it…