Author: Matthew Groff

  • Short Story Review: “The Last Grownup” by Allegra Goodman

    (The short story “The Last Grownup” by Allegra Goodman appeared in the February 27th, 2023 issue of The New Yorker.)

    (I will SPOIL the story.)

    Illustration by Geoff McFetridge

    Being a grownup sucks, and being a divorced grownup sucks even more. This is the basic idea behind the short story “The Last Grownup,” by Allegra Goodman, which follows Debra, a divorced grownup woman, as she navigates the official end of her marriage, and the changes that come with an ex-husband, teenaged daughters, and life with a dog.

    There is nothing revolutionary or groundbreaking in this story; just a solid piece of honest “slice of life” fiction. I was struck on how ordinary everyone was in this story. There is no drug addiction, strange sexual desires, angry confrontations, or absurdist flights. This was a story about people you might know, or friends of friends you have heard about. People you would be happy to know that are doing their best to make the divorce work, in the best possible way. You know, those people.

    Goodman structures the story to function and travel in two parallel lines. The surface line is Debra doing all the “right things” or giving the reactions that a good, well-adjusted grownup would give in situations. When Debra informs her parents that her divorce is officially over, her mother asks to keep Debra’s wedding picture up in the house. Though Debra says she’s fine with her mother doing that, you getting the feeling Debra isn’t okay with it, but doesn’t say anything. And this is the second, under current line of the story; Debra not allowing herself to say, or express what she really feels, because that’s not what a grownup would do.

    This structure could have become very tedious, and made Debra a weak and passive protagonist. Yet, Goodman knew to make the “offenses” that come Debra’s way never amount to a true outrage or betrayal. What happens are annoyances. Things one could complain about, but a grownup should just let go.

    Such as the climax of the story. Debra’s ex-husband, Richard, and his girlfriend, Heather, are planning on getting married, but Heather ends up getting pregnant. The three grown-ups gather to discuss the best way to tell the teenage daughters. They decide that Richard and Heather should announce the engagement first, and then a little later, announce the pregnancy. Yet, when the day comes, Richard and Heather announce both developments at the same time. They changed the plan, and Debra says nothing. Even when one of her daughters suspects that Debra was aware ahead of time, Debra side steps answering the question as to not draw attention away from Richard and Heather’s moment.

    What this parallel line structure creates is a wonderful melancholy sadness in Debra. She’s grownup enough to know that complaining would accomplish nothing. And she is grownup enough to recognize that everything is changing and that, she will, eventually, have to change as well. And this sadness is never blatantly expressed, but is shown through Debra’s actions, or lack of actions. The muted responses are so telling, and helps define Debra’s character as a good, decent person.

    I liked that Goodman told a subtle story. A story about adults behaving like well-adjusted adults. But being well-adjusted doesn’t mean that one is drama or conflict free. Being a grownup can also mean that you have to let some things go, so you can continue to move forward.

  • I’m Not Getting Anything Done (Unedited, because I don’t have time…)

    This week, it’s the Mid-Winter Break up here in NYC. All the kid’s are off from school in what is like a preview of what Spring Break will be like. I say all of that because it doesn’t feel like winter up here. More like the start of Spring, which is just completely wrong, as this should be close to the coldest week of the year. Ah… Climate Change…

    So, the kid is at home, which is a challenging situation for us all. Very challenging for my wife, as she is working from home, and me and the kid are the worst co-workers to have. We play our music too loud and we’d microwave fish for lunch, if we had a microwave. It’s also not that great for the kid, as she’s away from her friends, as most of them have gone someplace; either to visit family, or just be away from the City. That leaves me as the kid’s partner in crime for having fun. We’ve read books, and done Lego, drawn pictures, run errands, and gone down to The Strand for book shopping. But at the end of the day, no matter how cool dad is, he’s not another kid.

    For me… I see how fleeting life is, and I value these moments that I have with my daughter, knowing that one day she will be off on her own, and I am glad, even comforted that I will have these memories of the time we spent together.

    And the other side of me is that there is a bunch of work that I want to do. Not only write a blog or two, but I have three story ideas I want to work on, as well as just catch up on my reading. (I didn’t help my cause by going book shopping, and adding more to my reading list.) Finally, about twenty minutes ago, I told the kid she HAD to play on the iPad so dad could get some work done, and that request to my daughter what the official sign thatI won’t be getting anything done this week.

    Nope, it’s just not happening.

    I am now going to make brownies with my daughter, and talk about the new accessories that she’s like her favorite doll to have.

  • President’s Day

    Don’t go to the laundromat to catch up on laundry on President’s Day. It’s not the celebration of grand leadership that you think it would be. More like a sociological experiment on how the sacristy of resources affects people in already stressful situations.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Gumbo, Tottenham Tears, and Tag

    (I’m in the people business…)

    Every weekend, I try to make a big family meal. My “go to” is a roast chicken, mashed potatoes and a green vegetable. If I get really crazy, I’ll make carnitas for tacos, or a pot roast. This weekend, I am yet again, trying my hand at making gumbo. I have been working on this recipe, more off than on, for the past couple of years, and it never turns out the way I want. I have a very specific vision of what my gumbo should be, which is based off of a local restaurant in the town I grew up in. Sadly, the restaurant has gone out of business, so I’m going off my memories. When I think of this magical gumbo, I see a deep brown color, I taste an aromatic spicy flavor (not “spicy hot” though they encouraged you to add Tabasco to your personal taste,) and it smells fresh as it has been made from scratch. Most of the recipes I have tried put tomatoes in it, which makes the color reddish, or it calls for too much spicy making the heat kill any of the flavor. But, the weather will be cooler this weekend, I have made my own chicken stock, and armed with another recipe, I will chase after this whale.

    When I think of Tottenham, it makes me want to cry. It’s like the team doesn’t want to win. They are on the verge of being eliminated from the Champions League, and when it comes to the Premiere League, I think they have parked themselves in 5th place, and won’t be going anywhere else. Like I said, I just want to cry.

    For the record, there was a game of tag that I won back in spring of 1997. It took place at a playground not too far from the dorms at UNT. I hadn’t thought about that night in almost 25 years, but it came back to my while I was running on the treadmill this morning. Funny, huh?

  • Thoughts on Time and Settling (Unedited)

    The wife and I made a promise to each other for 2023. I don’t want to call it a resolution, because those are stupid, and doomed to fail. The promise we made was twofold:

    “No more wasting time, and no more settling.”

    This isn’t self-help garbage, like the “Hang in There” kitten poster. This is a pragmatic reminder.

    We do waste an enormous amount of time each day. Looking at our phones is the biggest culprit. But also, mindless eating while looking at the tv. Staying up late to stay up late (that one’s all me) and I have to go back and mention the phones again, because, you know, phones will eat up hours of your day. See, and this time wasting leads to us having to settle on things, because we haven’t given ourselves enough time to accomplish the things we want to do. It can be a vicious cycle, and we’d like to bust out of unhealthy cycles.

    And like all changes in life, no one really likes it, and it’s hard to follow though on.

    The wife is doing better than I. She is making it to yoga on the scheduled days, and going to bed on time. I can’t seem to get to the gym more than twice a week, and that should increase to at least three to four days a week. Like I said above, I’m still not making it to bed on time, which means I’m only getting like six hours of sleep.

    And as we start the game of setting goals and trying to achieve them as a family, I can’t shake the feeling that there is a clock, and I am running out of time. Maybe it has to do with being in my mid-forties, which I have been thinking about a lot of late, and that I might need to have to make some tough choices; I can’t do it all – something will have to fall to the wayside and be left behind.

    I have been with my wife for seventeen years, married for twelve, and they have been good years. We have a kid we love, and want to provide for, which is the real motivation for this. We will only have so much time with her, and then she will be out there in the world. We need to be parents that she can count on, and follow through when we say we are going to do something.