Month: September 2023

  • ODDS and ENDS: Rain, Puddles, Tottenham v Arsenal, and Disco Playlist

    (SWITCH… Jimmy Smits)

    It’s flooding in NYC, y’all! Take a look:

    I found this on Twitter/X this morning showing a bus in Brooklyn. I was out doing the Alt Parking at 8:30am and the water was coming up over the curb. This is a lot of rain. Like Texas flood kind’a rain. And last weekend we had the remnants of that tropical storm sit on top of the City for three days and dump loads of rain. Up where we live in Harlem, I don’t think about it flooding as compared to Lower Manhattan, which doesn’t take much submerge that part of the City. But it just won’t stop.

    Taking the kid to school this morning meant that we had to trudge out in the rain. We had on rain boots, and rain coats, with umbrellas over the top of us. Not that any of this gear stop us from getting wet, but it wasn’t that bad. And what made it a fun walk to school was the numerous amount of puddles along the way. Which, when you are wet already, what’s the harm of slashing in a puddle or two. And there is something deeply innocent and extremely satisfying in stomping through a puddle. It never is not fun. It is an act that serves no purpose other than making you happy, and identifying people who are sticks-in-the-mud.

    The North London Derby ended in a draw. From my totally biased Tottenham Hotspur point of view – it was just as good as a win.

    And, I started making a playlist for when I am at the gym. It’s nothing but disco music, but specifically, the disco music I remember hearing as a kid. And as I am compiling this list, I can’t shake the feeling that this music is sweaty. Like it conjures up the feeling of being hot and sweaty on a dance floor – in the Summer. And it’s not an image I get in my mind, but a feeling, a sensation of being on polyester and dancing.

  • The Scourge of Dads Who Rap

    This morning as I was walking my daughter to school, she started talking to me about what she considers her “look.” You know, the fashion and style the uniquely defines who she is. Right now, that would be carpenter pants, tee-shirts, and over-sized cardigan sweaters. (Let’s go 90’s!) Then I told her that I used to dress sort of the same way back in high school. And to a degree, my go to look is still jeans, tee-shirts and a sweater.

    I became curious, so I asked if I had a “look” that was apparent?

    I was told that I dress like a dad.

    Is that cool? I followed.

    No.

    Is it embarrassing?

    Not really.

    Is it as embarrassing as a dad rap?

    She grew puzzled. What’s a dad rap?

    You don’t know what a dad rap is?!?!? I was honestly shocked that this had not entered on the radar of my kids life.

    For those of you who don’t know, this is the best example of “Dad Rap” I know of:

    Yes, back in the late 80’s and early 90’s, us kids were subjected to the scourge of dads trying to rap. Just as in the clip, dads would turn the baseball caps around, do weird things with their hands, and always, and I mean ALWAYS, use the “I’m (dad’s name) and I’m here to say…” line.

    I guess it was always meant as a joke by dads. The cringe factor, and trying to embarrass your kids. But it happened so often. Like, at school, PTA meetings, at church, at friend’s houses, little league games; anywhere there was a dad and a group of kids, a dad rap was bound to show up.

    And the other thing that The Simpsons gets 100% Right, are the kids begging for Homer to stop and promise never to do that again. I think the only thing missing would have been a kid angrily reminding their dad that they’re not cool.

    I was lucky enough that my dad never did anything like this. (No, his song that he’d sing to embarrass us was “Doo Wah Diddy.”) But even though he didn’t rap, I do remember thinking as I watched Kevin’s dad rap about putting hotdogs on the grill, that I would never dad rap in front of my kid, let alone their friends.

    So, as we walked to school, I tried to explain to my kid what dads rapping was, why kids hated it, and how it was so awful and embarrassing. I wasn’t doing that great of a job, because, devilishly, she asked me to do a dad rap, so she could know for sure what it was like.

    So I did it. I did the “I’m Matt Groff, and I’m here to say…” line. Followed with, “I love my daughter in a major way.” I turned my ballcap around. I did weird had gestures.

    It did make the kid laugh.

    But she made me promise never to do that again.

  • Short Story Review: “ProCess” by Abigail E. Myers

    (The short story “ProCess” by Abigail E. Myers appeared on September 26th, 2023 in Rejection Letters.)

    image: MM Kaufman

    I remember how when I was a kid, I was told in school that technology, someday, would solve all our problems, thus making the world a better and perfect place. My dad, when he was a kid in the 50’s, was told how there would be flying cars in 1980. Yeah, that never happened, but we sure did get loads of new tech which has changed the world – just no flying cars. Sometimes I think the real role of technology is to create new problems while solving old problems. The things that annoy us, will still annoy us, just not as much.

    I feel that was the starting point with “ProCess” by Abigail E. Myers, a tight, efficient and humorous flash fiction piece in the form of a rejection letter. The rejection letter is from the App Store, informing the developer that their new app, “ProCess: The App for Funeral Processions” will not be accepted, with a suggestion of next steps for the developer.

    What I enjoyed most with Myer’s piece was its full commitment to the flash form. Yes, the work is short, but this isn’t a short-short story; This isn’t an uber-condensed form of a hero cycle, or a quick character study. This is flash fiction in the form I like to see; quirky, unconventional, but a story that still moves from a starting point to an ending point, firmly rooted in honesty.

    The quirkiness is apparent by this app for funeral processions, and it’s unconventional in the form of a rejection letter, but what I was most impressed with was how Myer’s moved the story forward. The building and movement of the piece is accomplished in the three bullet points which use syntax and formatting of the text to accomplish this goal. The first point is formatted normally with no additions, but in the second point, italicized letters are used to highlight the developers thoughts. By the third point, the italicized and normal formatting seems to have been reversed, implying an urgency and irratition toward the situation. It’s an effective choice that I didn’t notice on my first reading, but I felt its implication immediately. It causes the narrative to move towards a conclusion, which is the app store stating, “all must yield.”

    I admit that I am thinking very hard about a very short flash fiction piece. Yet, when someone accomplish the feat of executing a very good story, in what I think is a great example of what makes flash fiction an original form of literature, it should be applauded. “ProCess” makes its point on how some situations cannot be avoided, even with technology, and that’s just life. A complete, honest thought, that rings true.

  • Soup Season

    (I’m going to sound like a very old man, and I don’t care.)

    Autumn for some people means sweaters. Others, it’s Halloween. For the annoying, it’s pumpkin spice in everything. Cooler weather, leaves changing, sports on a weekend afternoon – all that stuff – you know, Fall. And for me, it is the start of soup season; I’m talking homemade soups. The cooler the weather, and the cloudier the day, all the better.

    First is just making the stock, which most of the time coincides with the leftover bones from a roasted chicken. If I have time, I’ll do the stock pot on the stove, but most of the time I have to use the Instant Pot. In about 2 hours, or less, I can have 10 cups of deep golden broth, but the best part is the warm, homey smell that fills my home as it’s cooking.

    Actually, I take that back. The best part is that my kid gets in on the action of making stock. We have done it enough times, that she’s got the recipe down and, with some guidance using a knife, can throw the whole thing together all by herself. That’s pretty cool, as a parent.

    This year, I chose to kick off soup season with a simple and hearty recipe – Potato Leek. I go with this recipe from Robert Irvine, as it is pretty simple and fool proof. I can say that there are more flavorful recipes out there, but they are rather involved, and some nights you just want to eat sooner than later.

    Besides, in my theory of soup making, soup should be simple.

    I do cook often for my family now, and I have some pretty good go-to recipes that I can now make off the top of my head. But there is something about making a good soup, or stew, for my family on a cold evening that is deeply satisfying. More so than any other meal I prepare. It does feel a little like kitchen magic; putting the ingredients in a pot, letting it boil to create something new. Then more ingredients, and simmering, and more time. Maybe it’s the amount of effort that goes into it – maybe. It could be that the meal is basic, and simple. A simple act that takes a long time. Maybe.

  • Only a Minute for a Blog (Unedited)

    I just can’t on a rainy day. And it’s been raining for three days, and odds are that we will get a fourth. I would give anything to curl up on the couch and read for the rest of the day… But not in the cards. I will keep drinking coffee, though.

    I only have a minute to squeeze in a blog today, and this is that minute.

    And with this fast minute, I will tell you that the guys working on the condo towner behind my building are working in the rain. No one looks like they are in a good mood, but come to think of it, I don’t believe I have ever seen a person working at a construction site who looks happy.

    But the construction worker’s life and cranes keep beeping non-stop. It’s like they are perpetually backing up forever. We aren’t getting the sounds of saws, or hammering, or screw guns; nope, it’s eight hours of back up beeps. Like an audio torture. I can only wonder how long this can go on for, but I know that all things must end.

    Thus, the day I am forced with. Mondays are always challenging being that it is the start of the week, and if there was a day to set the tone for the week – then that is Monday. It is rainy, cold, gray, and beeping. In nine minutes, I have to take lunch out of the over, and feed myself and my wife. This is meatless Monday, as prescribed by our daughter, and we will be enjoying black bean taquitos from Trader Joe’s. And if I might add, this is also fiction-less Mondays as well. I normally don’t get a chance to write fiction on Mondays. I keep feeling this is a situation that I could correct, but I haven’t been able to for over a year.

    Sadly, have to go. More later…