Inability to Relax

I should be relaxing. Taking it easy. Kicking back. Not thinking about anything.

See, this kid is gone to sleep away camp, which means half of my work load is gone. The wife still has to work, and there are things that I want to do, like projects around the house and stuff. But my wife keeps telling me that I should take, you know, relax, and allow myself to enjoy not having as many responsibilities this week.

Except, I am having trouble doing that.

First of all, I am having a little anxiety with the kid going to camp. And it’s separation anxiety on my part. It will be gone in a day or two, as the kid leaving is rather recent. (This is a blog for another day.) Suffice to say, I’m excited that she went to camp as I know this will help build her independence giving her an experience that is all her own, and in the end, that’s what I want for her.

No, what I am talking about is that if I sit around and do nothing; watch tv all day, sleep in, play video games – I end up feeling like crap. Reading is okay, that feels like a worthwhile activity, but sometimes also feels like work. No, I can’t sit and do nothing. I have to accomplish something. Even an easy win like taking out the garbage. I have to goal, and check off that box.

I didn’t used to be this way. I used to waste days left and right, without a care in the world. Waking up at noon, going to bed at dawn. The coming and going of days like an endless cycle that I seemed to float above.

Now I am in the grind. If the day goes by and I don’t have something to hang my name on, then I become the most useless man in the history of the known universe.

Yet another thing to work at.