I have one kid, and she is an only child. Also, I’m raising my kid in New York City. These are the facts of my situation as a parent.
I went out of my way to create my own little family in the most opposite way possible from the way I was raised. I grew up in the suburbs outside of Dallas, TX. I had two older brothers, and lived in a modest four-bedroom house with a backyard, and was surrounded by other four-bedroom houses filled with nuclear families raising lots of children. It was a neighborhood that school busses rolled through in the mornings, and was then filled with kids on bikes in the afternoon.
I know why I live in New York City, because I wanted a career in the performing arts, and this is one of the cities you can do it in. I never wanted to get married until I met the woman who became my wife. And I never wanted kids either, again, until I met my wife, and having a family with her sounded like a wonderful idea, sprouting from the ideal place of commitment and love.
I don’t regret anything, nor would I change anything, but there are some days that I wonder if our life would be easier, and by effect, would we be better parents, if we raised our kid in the same way we were raised – e.g. growing up in the suburbs?
There is one running theme in my life, and that is if I am told to go right, I’ll go left. If I’m told to jump, I’ll squat. I seem to go out of my way to do the opposite of what everyone else is doing. Most of the time, to my own detriment. Am I making choices that will have a negative effect on my kid?
The answer to that is yes. No matter what I do, there will always be unforeseen consequences. There is no right decision, only decision we learn to live with, and accept as positive. I love my parents, but they screwed up a lot with me and my brothers. (We were all stinkers, too, so I don’t blame them.) At the same time, they did most of the important stuff right, and in the end, I wouldn’t change it.
I guess this is what I’m going for when it comes to my kid; just get the big stuff right.
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