Outside of Christmas, my birthday, Halloween, Easter and Thanksgiving – The Last Day of School was the best day of the year! That feeling of elation of being done with school, learning, teachers, the other students, and the start of Summer vacation, is an experience that, try as I might, I can never recreate. I worked for a conservatory and a college, and the last day of classes at those institutions never had that same feeling either. When I was a kid, the last day of school was and final end point – a clearly defined conclusion. Working at a school on the last day of classes, all we could think about was getting ready for classes to resume. I tried piggybacking off of my kid’s last day of school, but the feeling I get is that I need to come up with things for her to do over vacation. No real elation in that.
But maybe, we adults aren’t supposed to regain that feeling? Like, no matter how much fun I have with my kid around Christmas time, I never feel like that eight-year-old kid that got a Star Wars AT-AT Walker from Santa. For one thing, kids are the center of attention at Christmas, and my role changed to parent – and as such with a different role, then I should expect to have a different experience. No real revelation there, right?
As I get older, I am wary of trying to “recapture” an old feeling. Everything in life changes, and so do feelings. When I revisit places of past glories and happiness, the feelings that come over me are twinges of sadness, lightly salted with the acknowledgement of the joy I had once encountered there. Melancholy isn’t to far away either. I keep thinking that full-blown happiness will come back to me in those situations, but it doesn’t. What I left with is the feeling that I want to move on. And even then, it is still had to say goodbye to the places of your past.
But as I was reminded today by an old friend, moving forward, getting out there and trying for new experiences is the only way to keep alive and connected.
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