There are some things that I don’t like about getting older, but I have mentioned my unfathomable dissepiment of ear hair already. But, I’m not here to speak of that.
I, like most people, was an angsty teenager, and my distrust of anyone over the age of thirty was a pretty solid foundation in what I considered to be my character. I didn’t like the world that was around me, and I wanted desperately not to be the type of adult that reinforced the status quo. I challenged the ideas behind institution and conventions. Over my seven years of university education, I felt that continued in my questioning ways, and though I can admit that I came to no life changing conclusions, I did adopt the philosophy of looking to alternatives first.
Then something happened in my thirties, and into my forties; I started to accept the way of things, and in some situations I would even get very angry at the way things had. I started to use phrases like, “That’s just how it is,” or “What are you gun’na do” way too often. I believed I was being a realist, seeing the world as it is, but in reality I was just giving up.
I don’t say this lightly, but I gave up. I stopped trying. I started to look at life as something that I had failed at. That I had played, and lost, and I should just go away – Watch my tv, eat my chips, complain about the music being too loud.
And I started to wonder; is this what it’s like getting older? Just being angry all the time? That sounds awful, but I began to ponder about it. How many people are out there are really angry that things didn’t work out the way they through they would? How many of those people are middle aged men? How many of these men are just projection their self-disappointment?
Am I on that path right now? Can I still get off of it?
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