Month: March 2021

  • Landlords

    I got an email yesterday afternoon from my landlord’s property office, informing us that they are going to install a buzzer system in our building, and that we need to be available Saturday morning for the installation. and when I read this email, my first reaction was that this was a lie, as they want to enter our apartment, and try to evict us.

    Yes, I am aware of how much that was a completely irrational response to that email.

    My second reaction was to respond to the email, thanking them for the buzzer, and confirming that we would be home on Saturday.

    But in my defense, we are like the last building in Manhattan that doesn’t have a buzzer, and we have been complaining about it for years.

    I don’t know what it is, but there is something about New York, where you can’t trust your landlord or super. Next to the Mayor, those are the most hated jobs in NYC. In the fifteen years I have lived here, I only know one person who had a positive experience with a landlord. For everyone else, it’s just pure hatred.

    In the end, I try to be fair, balanced in my interactions with our landlord; we have to work together as long as we live here.

  • Wait, Is It Spring?

    Wait, Is It Spring?

    It will be sixty degrees in New York City today, and the kid is over the moon to get out to the park and just play! We had a fifty degree day about a week ago, but it was a little cloudy and windy, and it didn’t count. I say that because, it is a blue sky today, and it’s March, and it is just enough of a tease that will make you think this is the start of Spring!

    I know it’s not, because we have had a snow storm in April, so at any moment this early Spring can crumple back into Winter.

    I love this day because people will be out! Out and sweating in their Winter coats and scarves. And then there will be the people who will treat this day as if it’s eighty degrees, with tee-shirts and shorts on.

    I always find it amazing that this Spring preview always seems to find a way to happen right at the moment that I start thinking in my head, “You know, I’m looking forward to Spring. And Summer isn’t that bad, either.” The Spring preview hits, and then my thoughts change to, “Yeah, I need it to be Spring. I can’t take Winter anymore.”

    Also, maybe, just maybe, there just might be a little hope along with this Spring as well.

  • The Joy of Growing Lima Beans

    Remote learning for kindergarteners is pretty hard. I feel very fortunate that we have a great teacher for the kid. She makes the best out of this awful situation we are all in, and the kid really has taken to her. Hopefully, one day, we will get to meet each other in person.

    One of the projects that the teacher has assigned was growing a lima bean in a plastic cup. There was a kit I had to go and pick up at the school, which contained the cup, seed, and dirt. All the kids kept the bean in a wet paper towel until it sprouted roots, and then filling the cup up with dirt, they planted the bean. Weekly, the teacher has the kids bring their bean plant to class, so they can measure it, and keep track as scientists. The kid loves this project, and she gets very excited when she gets to show off her plant.

    The other side of this project, is that I also have become excited about this it as well. Every morning, I open up the curtains so light can come in, which leads me to move the bean plant around the apartment for maxim photosynthesis. I check the leaves to make sure they are healthy, and touch the soil to make sure it isn’t too wet, or dry. I even get excited on the mornings when I see the bud of new leaves starting to pop out.

    I have discovered the joy in keeping a plant alive.

    But I need to watch myself, to make sure I don’t take over this project from the kid. I have even started to think that I might want to plant my own lima bean. Or maybe get a planter box this Spring, and plant my own mess of beans? From working with the kid’s bean plant, I want to have my own experience of growing, of each day checking in on the progress the plants make. I am sure that this has to do with giving each of my days a purpose, which can have a beneficial result.

    In that sense, I would like to try my hand to growing gourds.

  • Personal Review: WandaVision (Spoilers!)

    (You are warned! SPOILERS AHEAD! And this is a long one.)

    So, I finished WandaVision last night, and nothing was ruined for me; No internet troll, no idiot fanboy friend, and no spoiler reveiling headline. I was able to watch, and enjoy what unfolded. Just like our ancestors of old.

    The first thing is that I am really surprised at how much I enjoyed WandaVision, as it made me look forward to Friday night. The group of people who put this together did a great job of keeping the story well paced, revealing this mystery piece by piece. I wasn’t sure at first, to be honest. The first two episodes moved slowly, but as the show progressed, it did feel like a runaway train, building speed, and you knew it was headed for a crash of a climax. I keep thinking that at some point I will get tired of superhero shows/movies, because Martin Scorsese is right; you know the good guy always wins, so there is nothing really at stake or in peril. Yeah…

    …But what I enjoyed most was that this was a superhero story about grief and mourning. I think when it comes to “big ‘splosion movies” like Hollywood makes, not a whole lot of time is given to the emotional toll that these trials and losses have on the characters. (I remember when Carrie Fisher said that Princess Leia was the strongest character in Star Wars because Leia was captured, tortured, watched her home planet get destroyed which killed her parents and family and friends, got in a shoot-out, still had time to empathize with Luke’s loss of Ben, and then went on to help lead the attack on the Death Star which caused her to, yet again, face imminent death. And through all of that, she never broke down. That’s an emotionally strong character.) When you think about Wanda, that character has been through too much grief; parents, brother, and her partner in Vision. How would a character with unlimited power deal with all of that death? As she went through the stages of grief, why wouldn’t she use her powers?

    Grief doesn’t make sense. As I watched this show, it made me think about how I have grieved for my mother. Clearly, if I could bring her back I would do it, but I know that will never happen. But I do sometimes find myself having the fleeting thought that I might still get a phone call or text from her. It’s a thought that enters my mind, only to be quickly dismissed by logic, but it lasts long enough for there to be a catch in my throat, and that sad sinking feeling in my stomach. My grief doesn’t stop me from functioning, because my kid makes me keep going, but my grief is always below the surface. It’s a sadness that always seems to be in the back of the room, just out of the corner of my eye. It holds me back from being very excited about anything, or opening myself up to any deeper emotions, or even the joy of looking forward to something.

    And that is the thing that WandaVision did for me. When I figured out this was a show about Wanda’s grief and how it had manifested itself, I didn’t run from it. Watching this show was admitting that it was going to bring up things in me that are still raw. Two and a half years after my mother’s death, I can talk about it, but I’m still not ready to feel that pain again. Watching Wanda and Vision say goodbye to their boys, that hurt. Watching Wanda and Vision say goodbye to each other, oh that hurt as well. But what hurt most was watching that red energy field contracting; the inevitable visual end, the looming death, that was moving toward them. That image for me was how my mother’s death felt. As she lay almost comatose in hospice, we all knew death was coming. We couldn’t stop it, and as every minute ticked by, we knew it was getting closer. I would have done anything to stop it. But I couldn’t. That hurts still.

    WandaVision ended up being something more than I thought it could be. What I thought would be a one note joke of being trapped in old TV shows, or a vehicle to set up “Phase 4” or “Phase 5,” actually was one of the better shows that I have seen a in long time. There was something at stake, and there was peril. Sure, that bad guy was defeated, but the grief survived. Grief can be a gift, as it does show us who and how deeply we truly loved, but if grief is not confronted, it can destroy us.

  • Don’t Ruin WandaVision

    Seriously, people! Don’t ruin WandaVision for the rest of us. Don’t go and spoiling all the fun and surprises. Some people have kids and jobs and can’t watch it until tonight, so shut it!

    Also, this means I have to stay off social media today as well.

    Honestly, let’s all be cool here.