Month: April 2020

  • Coronavirus: Return

    And that is the word we kick around here, “Return.”

    Such as, “When we return to normal,” or “When we return to riding the subway,” or “When we returning to eating out…” When it’s late at night, and I can’t sleep, that’s when I start thinking about the things, and how we might not “return” to a lot of stuff quickly. Moving back to New York, I was ready to return back to the puppeteering world, but I don’t know when theatres will be opened again.

    The other thing I get asked, is what do you want to do outside of your apartment when things open up?

    See, there isn’t one thing I want to do, or go to.

    What I miss is coming home. That it’s the end of the day, I am returning to my safe space. The place I spend with my wife and kid. I miss the joy of coming home, and choosing not to leave.

    It’s so much work to be outside of the home in New York City, and that was the good old days. You can’t get anywhere quickly, and you are around people when you want to be alone and introspective.

    Got off the rails here…

    Anyway, one day we will return to something.

  • Coronavirus: Repeat

    What has been taking up our time is just getting used to this being what our life is like. I am working from home, and that doesn’t lend well to helping with the schooling of the kid, which the wife has to do, pretty much, alone. Grocery shopping has to happen during the week to avoid huge lines, and even then, it still can be a three-hour chore. Laundry just feels dangerous, and even though the laundromat I go to is clean, enforces social distancing with people by limiting the number allowed in at one time, but still, and this is an emotional reaction not a logical one; it just feels unsafe for some reason. And lots of walks, but not so much with the working out, and that does need to change soon. The weather is getting better, so hopefully we can get on that.

    And that is what life is sort of like, which is not bad compared to other people, but it also feels like this will go on forever. It feels like the only thing that changes is the weather, and we just wash and repeat every day. It’s like we are living “Groundhog Day,” and I do wish Bill Murray was here.

  • Coronavirus: A Month In

    I fell off cliff when it comes to writing. All writing, not just this, but I haven’t written in my journal, no short stories, and I haven’t worked on any of my novels. Just nothing. And I haven’t really been as creative as I had I would be in this time. I was thinking that working from home would allow me to power through my work and then have the time to jot down ideas, and then at night work on those ideas. That hasn’t materialized the way I though it would. Work takes all my time, and then I need to help out with the kid and her online schooling. With walks, making lunch and dinner some days, by the time we get the kid in bed, it’s booze time, and just trying to relax our way out of the day and this existence. I don’t want to sound too downer about it, but by the end of the day, everything has worn us down, and it’s like just a victory to survive the day and be healthy. But tomorrow, that might change. And it makes it hard to do the long-term work that is writing. You have to believe that you get to have a great many tomorrows so you can create a book, or even a decent story. This is the first opportunity that I feel that I have had in two weeks to sit down and think about putting words to what I am feeling.

    Thankfully, we are all healthy in the apartment, and generally dealing well with each other.

  • Coronavirus: Day 17, Laundry Run

    Balance still seems to be our issue. We are trying to make sure that we keep some sort of routine during the week including doing the online classes for the kid’s school, while I’m trying to work my job, and then there is the wife who is trying to hold the family structure together, and still looking for a job, though even she will admit that it feels like a fool’s errand at this point.

    To keep that normalcy feeling, I did laundry today, which meant that I had to go out to the local laundromat. I was not excited about doing this, but just like grocery shopping, even the most mundane tasks now are sprinkled with the possibility of infection and disaster.

    Our local laundry place did have signs up saying that only people doing laundry were allowed in, and to please not bring extra people. They even suggested washing/sanitizing your hands upon entering and leaving. And most importantly, don’t hang out while your clothes and washing/drying. I went first thing in the morning, right after they had cleaned the place, and by following their rules, it did feel like it was a clean and relative safe activity. Oh, I did wash the hell out of my hands when I got home each time. I’m still trying to be safe.

    But what I did notice, and have noticed for the past few days on the streets of NYC, is that there is an undercurrent of aggression. The people who ask me for money aren’t taking no for an answer. I even had a guy ask me for a lighter, which I didn’t have, then he accused me of lying which spurting out obscenities at me. Even in line for groceries, it’s like people are looking for a problem to have with you.

    I think I am beginning to see to toll that this is having on the psychology of the City.