Oops…

Well… I finally did it. I sent out an inappropriate group email at work.

I won’t get into too many details, but I immediately sent a follow up email apologizing, and taking responsibility for my actions. Just too quick on the send button.

Also, the Gmail “Undo” function has a default setting of 5 seconds. I suggest EVERYONE go into their settings and change that to 30 seconds.

I went into my boss’ office, and personally apologized to her as well.

So, I embarrassed myself very badly at work today.

Now, how do I move on? This will come up again. Someone will say something to me, in a joking or negative way, but it will happen. It will come down to my reaction; am I defensive, do I laugh it off, do I stay humble and say nothing.

I also need to forgive myself, which I am really bad at. This is the type of thing that I will lay in bed at night, asking myself, “Why did you hit the send button?”

I should tell myself that no one died, and no one was physically hurt, and everybody has done this at one point in their lives. We are all human.

But I know I won’t do that. I will replay the embarrassment over and over again. That racing of my pulse when I discovered what I had done. The feeling of helplessness that I cannot undo this. The shame of being a disingenuous person.

Everyone says that you have to learn to forgive yourself and accept that your mistakes make you who you are. But the process of getting there has no road map. I can forgive others, just not myself, most days.