Month: September 2019

  • You Would Think

    You would think I would know better. I have been trying for some time to get my stupid ass to bed on time. This has turned into a task that I fear I will never accomplish.

    I’m over 40, and I can’t stop watching TV at night. I have been making my way through Rick and Morty, and then last night I found out a friend of mine had a part in Fosse/Verdon, so I had to watch and look for her.

    I’m sure you can see how this goes. I finish and episode, and then I think I can handle one more. And then it’s 2am.

    I should know better…

    But I think I need to start to accept that this is not a life style that I can lead.

    I have always been a night owl, and I love staying up late alone. I like flipping channels, and looking for movies that I haven’t seen before. That’s still fun to me.

    And that’s the problem.

    I’m trying to change a behavior that, logically, I know is in my interest to do, but my heart isn’t into it.

    Being sleep deprived isn’t fun, but in a weird way, I have come to learn to live with that. It sucks, but I somehow know that in the middle of the day I will rally and recover.

    I’m an adult, but man, I have no idea what I’m doing, except finishing Fosse/Verdon tonight.

  • Midlife Thoughts

    I moved 1,000 lbs of clay today. I needed to do it for my job, and I did have help, but still… I moved 1,000 lbs of clay.

    As I was driving the clay across the county in my small SUV, I did have that moment where I had to ask, “How did I get here?”

    That’s what the past two weeks have felt like. Honestly, how did I get to where I am?

    Is that the call of the mid-life crisis? Is “Once in a Lifetime” the unofficial theme song of these moments. “That’s not my beautiful house! That’s not my beautiful car!”

    Does anyone care about mid-life crisis anymore? I read about how people now shit all over “American Beauty” now. Not only because Kevin Spacey is in it, but because it’s about a material successful guy, who buys a sports car, changes jobs, and lusts after a teenager. When you say it that way, does anyone want to see a story about comfortable people who aren’t as comfortable as they would like.

    It’s also like he movie “The Land of Steady Habits,” which played like a John Updike or John Cheever story were updated and retold. I liked the movie, but it also functions off of the male midlife crisis trope.

    The more I think about it, that seems to be a bunch of stories written by men. That, “I have lost my spark and must reclaim it by behaving the way I did in my past.”

    I really hope that’s not what I have to look forward to. I would prefer to regain my spark by moving forward, and not by trying to be that idiot from my past.

  • Compartmentalizing

    I just have trouble saying that word, let alone spelling it.

    I think that was what I was trying to write about yesterday when I was speaking about Brett Kavanaugh.

    I don’t think I was very good at it, as a day later, I now feel I know what I was trying to say.

    And then that white dude got fired from SNL before he every performed on the show. This is another white guy, who should have known better.

    There was a piece about Shane Gillis getting fired that I think was very insightful. The comedian who wrote it made a very good point that most comedians punch down with their jokes, and most comedians are white men. It’s just lazy humor, and it always has been. As some comedians were lamenting that we live in an age where you “can’t joke about anything anymore,” but I have to disagree. If I might point out, 40 years ago, Asian Americans weren’t “cool” with being made fun of by white guys because 40 years ago, no one asked Asian Americans, “Are you cool with being made fun of by white guys?” The funny thing is that 40 years ago you would have gotten the same answer you are getting today, the difference is other people are now asking and listening to the answer.

    Either way, he lost a job for what he said, and he will have to live with that.

  • Oh, Brett

    I can’t help but wonder what is going through the head of Judge Brett M. Kavanaugh?

    If he’s innocent, I do feel a little bad for him.

    If he did it, then he’s going to get what he deserves. (If you aren’t sure, this is what I am talking about.)

    This story so touches a nerve with me. Though I am a white male in America, outside of that, I do not see any similarity with Brett. If anything, he is emblematic to me of how screwed up America is right now.

    Though I was not born into a well-connected family or got to go to cool places for Summer vacation, or even could get away with behaving “badly” and have it chocked up as “boys being boys.”

    There is a part of me that believes Brett when he says he has no memory of the events he’s being accused of. It’s not that he was too drunk. It’s because why would he need to remember those moments?

    When you think you sit on top of the world, then you start to believe that everyone wants to be like you. Brett was having fun, and everyone around him was having fun, right? If we are all having fun, and fun is good, then nothing bad is happening. Thus, those moments were inconsequential, and thus forgettable.

    And I saw those actions in high school, and even in college. I saw the reactions, and the impossibility to convince that guy that his “joking around” was actually hurtful. To that guy, everything was taking from hi perspective, because we all want to be him, right?

  • Whomp! Debate Edition

    Though I would like to watch the Democratic debate tonight, I have to work. Also, I think I might prefer to watch Thursday night football. That is only a half knock at the debate. If this debate was presented better, then I might care more.

    I really don’t like the 10 people on stage, and I have a feeling that Joe, Bernie, and Elizabeth will get the majority of the questions. Not much doled out to the rest of the pack. No one is debating; it’s not like people up there are for or against health care. It’s really about which program do you think is better, and for that reason, I wish they would give the candidates more time just to stake out their positions. Instead, we will get sound bite TV, and though it existed before Trump, now that we live in a Trump political world, you better believe the candidates have several zingers in their back pocket, just waiting for the moment to use them.

    I can already hear someone saying that this isn’t the government we want, but through our actions, this is the government we deserve.

    I really dislike that train of thought.

    I have conservative people use this logic to defend Trump while not defending Trump; Whomp! It’s who we got so let’s make the best out of it.

    What an awful way to accept the world around you. I would want to believe that people want to make things better, and not put up with the crap we are severed.

    Ung… Hopefully something good will come out of this.