Garbage

I got up this morning and I did something I shouldn’t have… I went on social media and looked at what all my friends are up to…

We all see where this is going…

So, now that I feel like my life is garbage, what do I do about it?

The first question I have to ask is, even though I feel like my life is garbage, is my life actually garbage?

No, my life is not garbage. I am leading a very good life. Always room for improvement, though.

The second question is, if my life is not garbage, then why did I let myself feel that way. The answer is that there is still a wide gulf between where my life is and where I would like it to be. And that frustration is heightened when I see people doing well, which I at weak moments, comes out as jealousy.

I am human, and I am still weak.

I was told once that when you get mad and frustrated, that means you actually want to make a change.

Which also reminds me that my Grandma used to say, you are allowed one day to be mad, then you have to make changes tomorrow.

So, I did. I looked at grad schools. I thought about changing jobs. I thought about all of the thing that I could do.

But nothing excites me right now.

That could be the sign of depression.

Or, that might also mean that all bets are on the table. I could explore anything, and go in any new direction.

I just have to keep trying.