I have been saying to myself for some time that I have not fully recovered from my amazingly stupid stressful year and a half of working in 2016/17. I had been putting it in my journals, and even in a few small writing pieces I had done, I saw the influence of it. This morning I said it to my wife. Not that I was hiding it from her. I had spoken in length to her of how stressful it was when it was happening, and I had told her that I’m not 100% happy in my job currently. But this morning, as the words were rolling out of my mouth, I knew that I had never shared this part with her. That I have been running from problem to problem at work, and never processed that awful 2016/17-time frame.
It’s an undealt with problem, sitting in me, that I need to come to terms with.
The events have shaken my confidence in myself, and has created a new circle of self-doubt and neuroticism, which I didn’t think was possible to eclipse the self-doubt and neuroticism that I already had. The difference now was that I was willing to try things and make a fool of myself. Right now, I feel all of these blocks in me. I can also admit that I created them, and if I don’t deal with them, then I will only stifle my creativity.
Talking to my wife is a big step. Trying new things, especially creatively is the other. I feel that I am now becoming ready to deal with what has happened.
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