Working

I have never moved beyond that feeling of dread of going to school when it comes to going to work as an adult. I can honestly say that I have been working at my career for the past ten years, and I still have that feeling of dread. That sinking feeling on Sunday night also has never gone away. I’m pretty sure I am not alone on this. Speaking to my mother after she retired, and she also described that feeling of not going to work, even though she worked in the field she loved as a nurse.

I think it has to do with the transactional status of employment; the work equaling money, that sucks out the desire to be there. I enjoy what I do now, but I have a boss, who is a good boss, and work for an organization, which at the end of the day has my fate in their hands. I show up, do my job, enjoy my coworkers, no real complaints… But I would rather sleep in.

This also makes me wonder that if I was able to finance my life style through all my creative endeavors, would I begin to feel that dread about having to get up and do it? I do believe that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.